A Hero in need
by Schreiberin44
Summary: Matthew Casey is used to be in control, to help people, to save people from whatever tragedy is striking them. But what happens if the firefighter gets into a situation he can't handle? What if he is in need and needs to be saved. Can his team help him and can Dawson and Severide save him? Casey whump. A lot CASEY / SEVERIDE FRIENDSHIP in this too!
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone!

My first Chicago Fire story :o) I am a huge Flashpoint fan...due to the fact the show has ended I needed to get another addiction and that was when I stumbled across Jesse Spencers new show...damn and here I am...addicted as ever :o)

I got this idea in my mind for quite a time now but after the last episode I really had to write it down and share it with you.  
It will be a 2-shot so I hope you like it.

As you will notice I get straight to the point here-no big storyline around.

Please leave me a comment...I'm always so happy to read what you are thinking.

Have fun!

Please remember: ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

Timeline: Casey and Dawson are growing together (around episode 9). Matt is no longer in a relationship with Haley.

**Chapter 1 – Air**

**Henry Scott Building  
**  
"I am so glad you agreed to come with me. I really have no doubt about all this construction stuff." Dawson said as she entered the lawyers office together with Casey.

"It is absolutely right that you are getting help from a lawyer. You really don't need to pay for such a horrible work." Casey pointed out again before entering the lawyers office right behind Dawson.

2 hours later...

"I never thought that it would take that long. I am so sorry." Dawson said after giving her watch a quick look.

"Not your fault. He just needed all the facts. We should hurry. Shift starts in 10."

"We will never make it in time."

"Oh you don't trust my driving skills, do you?" Casey joked while entering the empty elevator.

They where nearly at the 9th floor as the elevator came to a bumping hold, causing Casey and Dawson to smack against the elevator doors.

"What happened?", Dawson asked while Casey pushed the emergency button immediately.

"Don't know.", he pointed out right as the elevator went completely dark.

"Crap!", Dawson said while Casey swallowed hard. This was a big building, energy would be back in no time.

"The emergency generator should come to life soon.", he said while clenching his hands together and trying his best to calm himself down. He wasn't afraid to walk into burning buildings but being out of control really got to him. That was why he had walked straight on to Lieutenant. He needed the strings in his hands. But being out of control was one thing. Being in complete darkness was the other thing...

Caseys head switched to the day where he had heard his parents fighting again. He knew that it was bad, like it was most times but this time it was really bad. He had tried to get to his sister but wasn't able to go any further than the closet under the staircase because his mom and his dad where fighting in the living room.

He could remember every second, every detail. He had closed the door behind him unaware of the fact that he couldn't open it from inside. The darkness was so black, he had never seen something like that in his entire live. He could remember the fight getting worse and than he had heard the shot. It still rang in his ears even after all this years. He couldn't remember anything after that. He knew that they all thought he had ran away until someone had found him in the closet, hours and hours later. Since this second he couldn't stand the fact of not being in control. He couldn't stand the darkness.

"Matt you're alright?", Dawson asked while touching his arm lightly causing Casey to nearly jump as he was brought back into reality. Into this complete darkness.

"It should work by now.", he stumbled.

"Yes I noticed that too. Maybe it will take the house technicians a little longer. These things are supposed to work, they are for emergency use. That's where they got there names from unless..." "Unless there is a fire going on." Casey completed her sentence still trying his best to get his labored breathing under control - failing completely.

"Matt are you okay?" Dawson asked again while squeezing Caseys arm gently.

"Yeah, yeah fine. I just...I could need some air."

"I am sure they will get the problem fixed soon."

"Do you have something...we need some light in here." Casey said his voice clearly panicking.

"No. I left my cell at the car. Didn't think we would need it."

"Damn it!" Casey cursed while his hand crashed right into the elevator door causing Dawson to jump and scream in shock.

"Casey!"

"I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry." Casey replied while rubbing his hands through his hair. He needed to get out of here now.  
His mind snapped back to his childhood and he could hear the shot and the sound of a body falling to the floor. Not knowing which parent he had just lost. Not knowing if he would see any of them again. Not knowing that his normals life had just ended.

"Matt you need to talk to me. Matt!", he heard Dawsons voice slowly getting into his mind again. "You need to breath. Nice and slow breaths. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be just fine but I need you to talk to me and take deep breaths."

He hadn't noticed her hands on his cheeks before until this moment and he hadn't noticed that he had completely snapped out of it. He was clearly hyperventilating. He could feel his heart bouncing in his chest causing his upper body to scream in pain.

"We...we won't get out of here. I can't...this can't just...I want out of here." he rambled while Dawsons hands remained on his cheeks. In a normal situation he would have imagined the look in her eyes. Her beautiful big hazel eyes looking at him. Right now he couldn't focus on anything else than his overwhelming need to get out of this elevator.

Dawson had never imagined a reaction like this from Casey. As she heard his labored breathing at first she had not thought about anything serious. Now that he was hyperventilating she knew what was going on even if she couldn't understand why. She needed him to calm down, to slow his breath and she needed to get him out of there as fast as possible. The hero of truck 81 now needed help on his own and as soon as possible.

**Firehouse 51**

"Anyone seen the Lieutenant by now?", Cruz asked while looking at his watch with a smirk as he walked into the kitchen. Casey was never late. Normally he was there ages before his team was arriving. No one had ever walked into the firehouse without him being already walking around dressed and able to hop on the truck within seconds.  
"No but I have some interesting news on that!" Herrmann announces smiling evilly.

"We are all yours Herrmann.", Mouch answers.  
"Shay, say again where is Dawson?" Herrmann calls out while all the men start laughing and clapping their hands.  
"Have I missed something?", Severide asked while walking into the kitchen as well.

"Absolutely. Casey and Dawson are both running late." Herrmann answers looking straight at the other Lieutenant who tried his best to keep a straight face only a little smile giving his thoughts away.  
"I told you Dawson had a meeting with her lawyer and Casey offered to got with her. It's because of some construction problems. I told you that Herrmann. Don't skip the facts here.", Shay pointed out harshly.

"Right construction problems." Cruz repeated seriously bursting into laughter just seconds after.

"Any news on Casey or Dawson?", Chief Bodens strong voice interrupted the laughter.

"No sir. Nothing yet."

"Send them to my office as soon as they are showing up here. I think we need to have a talk. Shay you call in firehouse 54 and let them know that ambulance 61 is not able to respond and you need backup. Severide you get Caseys Team covered as well.", Chief instructed while watching the concerned look on Leslie Shays face.

"Everything alright or do you want to share something?"

"No...it's just...we both know Dawson and we both know Casey. They would never run late without a really good reason and I am pretty damn sure they would have at least give us a call." Shay pointed out while looking at Severide for backup.

"She's right Chief. Casey would never let his team down."

"Neither would Dawson."

"Until now there is nothing we can do. We can't send a search and rescue team because they are 10 minutes late for shift. Keep me posted and keep trying to reach them on their cells.", Boden said while heading to his office leaving the rest of his men with a sick feeling in their gut.

**Henry Scott Building**

"Matt I need you to calm down and to listen to me okay? Just listen to my breathing. Do you hear that? I can breath completely normal, there is nothing to worry about. It is enough air in this elevator you hear me?" Dawson tried to calm Matt down without success.

"Do you want to sit down?", she asked while searching for a pulse on his neck. What she found made her worry even more.  
"Casey!", she said out loud nearly screaming at him.  
Casey had noticed Dawsons voice and kept focused on it.

"Answer me."

"I can't breath." Casey answered while his hands shot up to his neck trying to brush the fabric of his T-Shirt as far away as possible.

"Did you hear what I told you before? There is enough air in here. You know that." Dawson tried again to calm Casey down.  
"I can't." Casey continued while his breathing was getting even worse.

**Firehouse 51**

"Truck 81, Squad 51, Ambulance 61 – Fire at the Henry Scott building." The alarm announced.

"No!", Shay nearly screamed while Severide stopped in his movement immediately.

"Shay what is it?"

"That's where they went. Dawson's lawyer his office is in this building."

**Henry Scott Building **

"Matt, Matt! I need you to slow your breath. You need to get your heart rate down!", Dawson continued gripping Caseys face again.  
"You need to slow your heart rate. I am here with you. I won't leave you alone. I am here.", Dawson kept talking while Casey reached out for her, gripping on her jacket for dear life.

"I won't leave you alone, you hear me? I am sure the guys are on their way. Everything is going to be fine." Dawson continued while she could feel Caseys knees start to buckle.

"Matt no! No! You won't pass out on me. Matt! Talk to me.", she said while they both dropped to the ground of the elevator.

"Matt!", Dawson screamed while searching for Casey's face slapping him on his cheeks not to gently as she finally found them in the darkness.

"Talk to me!", she ordered again getting a mumbled "yes" as response.

"Thank god." Dawson breathed out glad Casey hadn't lost consciousness.  
Even if it would be better for him Dawson was afraid of the consequences due to his hyperventilating and his way to high heart rate and blood pressure. She knew that Casey needed a monitor and fresh oxygen right now but both wasn't available at the moment and so she needed him to stay responsive. Dawson searched for the nearest wall and slowly slide down on it before heaving Caseys body towards her laying his head in her lap.  
"Do you remember when I was afraid as I saw the rat in the back entrance of the firehouse. Everyone teased on me but not you. You even searched for the rat and I know that you had a quite serious talk to the other guys about fear and handling fear. I never thought about the reasons why you took that matter so serious.", Dawson talked trying to get Caseys mind away from the situation and away from every other demon he was maybe fighting right now.  
To her dismiss there was no change, neither in Caseys breathing or his heart rate which Dawson was controlling by her fingers on his neck.  
"You need to calm down, please." Dawson said silently while fighting back the tears that where building in her eyes as she felt Caseys body going limp. She knew that he was not far away from dripping into cardiac arrest and she knew that she was not far away from losing him.

"You have to stay with me. Matt please. You can't do this to me. I love you.", Dawson cried out loud before getting into action. She needed to get his legs up to stabilize him as good as possible.

….to be continued!

PLEASE PUSH THE BUTTON AND LEAVE A COMMENT – IT WOULD MAKE ME VERY HAPPY :o)


	2. How to save a life

WOW!

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your nice reviews. I am totally amazed and so I decided to give you more than only this chapter...if you are interested? :o)  
Haven't decided how deep I will sink into the story and create a big background. Maybe one more chapter...maybe two or maybe a lot more...I will think about it.

Please let me know what you think. Again THANK YOU to all of you! Hope to hear from you!

**Chapter 2 – How to save a life**

The two teams emerged out of the trucks as soon as they came to a hold at the Henry Scott building. Smoke was escaping through the big front entrance doors. People where running out of the building in what felt like every possible direction.

"Due to the house mechanics the fire started in the engine room and is mostly located in the basement. The evacuating is in progress as you can see. All four elevators are stuck. Reports say that there was an alarm in elevator 4.", Chief instructed while Severide nodded slowly.

"Casey where are you?", he cursed while looking around. There where still dozens of people storming out of the building. He knew Casey. If he was still in there he would try his best to get everyone out save and to locate the fire.

"Okay, so here is what I need..." Severide started his instructions. "Otis, Herrmann, Mills, Cruz, Shay with me. Let's take a look if there is still anyone in this elevators."

"Anyone in here? This is the Chicago Fire Department!", Severide called out into the first elevator shaft while Otis was working on the second one. He knew that he had to make sure by climbing down that no one was still inside but for now he just called out to look out if anyone was in immediate assistance for help.

"Anyone, seen Casey yet?" Severide asked into his radio.

"No nothing." several reviews came back while Severide stopped in his movements. Something was really off. He would have at least let them know that he was in this building if he was able too.  
He knew that they had big problems since Dardens death but all these things couldn't wash away the deep bound that they always had and right now he knew that something must have happened to his best friend for years. It made him sick immediately. He couldn't loose Casey. They had to find him. They had to make sure that he was okay.

Inside the elevator Dawson nearly panicked as she got her hand back wet after feeling for Casey's pulse. She smelled at her hand not able to see if it was blood or sweat. As she recognized it was blood she breathed out to calm herself down before touching Casey's head lightly to see where the bleeding came from. He must have banged his head as they had crashed to the floor of the elevator. She hadn't recognized it earlier. Hopefully it wasn't affecting his condition in a bad way even more.

After evacuating two people from elevator two and clearing elevator three Severide continued to open the doors to the shaft of elevator four.  
"This is the Chicago Fire Department. Is there anyone down there?", Severide called out with his strong voice.

Inside the elevator Dawson widened her eyes as she heard the screaming of metal somewhere in the elevator shaft. She knew that it was a good sign. It had to be because Caseys condition wasn't getting any better. He was still unconscious.

Dawson knew that she had never been this glad to hear Severide voice before.

"Severide!", she called out while Severide eyes widened as well.

"Dawson is that you?"

"Yes! We need help!"

"Is Casey with you."

"Yes. You need to hurry. He is in pretty bad shape."

"What?", Severide asked shocked. He wasn't prepared for anything like that. He couldn't loose another friend. Not Casey.

"I need Shay to stay ready for us."

"Dawson I can barley hear you. I am coming down.", Severide calls before getting to his radio.

"We found Casey and Dawson. Casey is in bad shape. I need every available hand up here right now.", Severide orders while nodding at Herrmann before slipping down into the completely dark elevator shaft.

He knew that he had to keep it together. As a Lieutenant the rest of the team needed him. Normally he always had Casey for backup if he was losing it. He knew that the other Lieutenant was able to run the Squad if he would lose it but for now it was on him and only on him. With Casey in need he had to keep calm.

Severide lost no time as he got his hold on the elevator and opened the small entry shining his flashlight into the little cabin shocked to see Casey laying there motionless with Dawson keeping his legs up.  
"I need Shay to get oxygen over a mask down here now. She needs to keep the defibrillator ready just in case his condition drops when we get him up."  
Severide could feel his heart beat rising even more as he let Dawsons words sink in just for a second. This was bad.

"Shay I need oxygen down here now. Get the defibrillator ready.", Severide orders while he could hear the muffled sounds of cursing from the remaining firefighters.

"I need a neck brace too. He banged his head pretty badly."  
"Shay neck brace. Hurry.", Severide ordered while he waited for the stuff to come down to his position.  
"Dawson tell me what's going on. I need to know if he is going to be okay." Severide pleads during the short waiting time shining the flashlight into Caseys unresponsive face.

"He got a bad panic attack and drifted into shock. He should be fine if we get his blood pressure, breathing and heart rate back under control soon."

"A panic attack?" Severide asked surprised.  
"Severide sending the oxygen down first. Neck brace following. Do you need me to come down there?"  
"No we got it covered. Get prepared when he gets up."

Severide holds his hands up as the oxygen tank is nearing him handing it down inside the elevator ASAP before getting the neck brace.

"Do you need my help?"

"No. I got him. We can bring him up there. Tell the guys not to waste any time."

"Okay. I will send the rescue harness down now. Will you get him secured?" Severide asked again while Daswon looked up to him.

"I got him, okay?"

"Sure."  
After getting the neck brace around Caseys neck and fixating the oxygen tank, Dawson attached Matt to the rescue harness carefully.

"Ready. Get him up."

"Get him up!", Severide called out while the man started to heave on the rescue harness. Together with Dawson Severide made sure that Casey made it save out of the little exit on the top of the elevator. As he got higher Severide grabbed him carefully while looking straight into Caseys face fighting back the urge to shack him, to scream at him. He wanted to talk to him. To make sure that he was okay. Instead he just stared into Caseys ghost white face, half covered by the oxygen mask and a mixture of sweat and blood.

Severide led go of Casey while watching him being pulled closer to the open elevator doors.

"He is coming up. Careful now. Slow down. I got him." Hermann called while grabbing for his fallen friend.

"Lieutenant." he said clearly troubled while Cruz and Mills gave him a hand to lay Casey down on the prepared stretcher. Hermann knew that he had to continued doing his job but he had to swallow hard. Their Lieutenant was always there for them. Making sure they stay save. Seeing him like this was nearly more than he could take.

"Hermann. Get the line back down here!", he heard Severide call out and hurried towards the shaft again.

Shay breathed out as they got Casey onto the stretcher. Even if she didn't know what had happened she ripped of his shirt attaching Casey to a monitor immediately. His heart rate and blood pressure made her look up in shock. She needed to stabilize him and get his completely messed up vitals under control right now.

As soon as Dawson could feel her feet touch the ground again she hurried towards Caseys unconscious frame. While Shay took care of his vitals Dawson grabbed the flashlight to control Caseys pupils to make completely sure he hadn't suffered a head trauma too.  
"We need to get him to the hospital. He is pretty unstable."

"I know." Dawson answered while meeting with Shays worried eyes for a second. She couldn't break down now. Not here. Not now. Not before Matt was save again.

Severide rushed over to them as soon as his boots touched the ground again hurrying watching helplessly as Casey was treated.  
"He will be okay. I am sure he will be." Hermann offered while clapping on his back lightly.

While Shay was driving Dawson's didn't let go of Matt's hand. She knew that Matt would be alright now that they had all the medical equipment to help him through this.

**At the hospital.**

"Ambulance on the way. 2 minutes. Male firefighter, problems with heart rate, blood pressure, head wound, shock." small information's where giving as Haley headed towards the ER doors.

"What ambulance?", Haley asked. She was always afraid even if she and Matt had fallen apart and where over now. She was still worried that some day would be the day her former worst nightmare became the truth.

"Truck 61."

Haley closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

It wouldn't be Matt.

….to be continued! :o)

Again pretty please hit the review button and leave a comment. It would make me really happy.


	3. Great timing

Hey guys!

Thanks a lot for all of your great reviews. I am just giving you a quick update because I will be on holiday (CRUISE SHIP I AM COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMING) for a few days.  
Hope you guys like the new chapter!  
Have fun reading it!

**Chapter 14 – Great timing **

"Oh no." Dawson said silently as she hurried into the emergency room right next to Shay. Haley was already ready and waiting for them.

"Haley. It's Matt." Dawson pointed while Haleys eyes widened in shock.  
As her eyes met his face Dawson could see that she was struggling.

"What happened?", she asked clearly shaken.

"We got trapped in an elevator. Lights went out. It was completely dark. Matt got a panic attack and went into shock. He banged his head as he got unconscious. It was nearly 45 minutes ago."

"45? How is his heart rate?", Haley asked while sucking in all the important medical detauls.

She couldn't deal with all the other information's right now.  
"And you are absolutely sure it's caused by a panic attack?" Haley asked nonetheless. She couldn't even imagine Matt getting into panic due to such a situation. He was the one risking his life everyday to save people. He wasn't afraid of anything.

"Absolutely sure." Dawson replied while watching as Haley hurried into the trauma room right after Matt.

"How are you?" Shay asked truly worried while Dawson tried once again to fight back the tears that where burning behind her eyes.

"I'm good. Didn't hit anything."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"He is going to be okay. We both know that."

"Yeah and you went trough hell and we both know that too." Shay pointed out.

Dawson was glad that she didn't got time to answer before the doors of the ER busted open again making way for Severide and each and every other member of Truck 81.

"How is he? Any news?", Severide asked immediately.

"Haley is on shift. She is taking care of him right now."

"Haley?"

"Yeah ."

"Great timing."

Matt awoke to a great noise around him. He felt completely exhausted and tried to open his eyes to see what was going on around him. He could hear a voice calling out for him but got stuck in the blur in his head again trying his best to remember where he was and what was going on around him. He felt like he had been drinking to much with Severide and Darden. Maybe they had crushed a bar at the end of the shift. The memory of Darden being sucked into the flames crashes back into his memory without a warning causing him to wince in pain.

"Matt!", the voice asked forcefully and Matt could feel two hands grabbing his face. He knew that he had to wake up now. Wherever he was.

As Matt opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Haley's face leaving him even more confused. He could remember their breakup crystal clear. He could still feel the acing sensation around his heart. How much he had wished to get old with Haley on his side. She had been the one in his big picture.

Matt watched confused as a nurse stepped into his vision handing Haley a needle. What the hell was going on here? And that was the moment where everything hit him. Dawson, elevator, darkness, no way out, trapped, shot, blood, dad, loneliness, agony.

"Matt I need you to slow your breath. Matt!" Haley tried to calm her ex-fiancee down before putting the oxygen mask back onto his face. The cool and fresh air felt good in his lungs and Casey tried successfully to keep a clear head. He even managed to calm down enough so Haley got the masked off of his mouth again.

"I really need you to talk to me Matt." Haley said while Matt took in another deep but still little shaky breath.

"I'm good.", he pointed out.

"After everything we just pumped into your body you really have to be." Haley said while reading Matt's vitals on the monitor before facing him again.  
"You nearly slipped into cardiac arrest. Your blood pressure, your breathing, your heart rate everything was a great mess even after you got stabilized. I was told that all of this was caused by a panic attack. You went into shock."

Matt didn't say a word just stare back at Haley. How could this have happened? He always got himself under control. Fear was something he wasn't familiar with. Not anymore. Not since the day he had decided to become a firefighter and leave everything behind.

"We will get you to the ICU now. You need to be monitored closely."

"No Hales...I don't want to stay here, I am good."

"Yeah nearly perfect Matt. I won't discuss this with you, not even for a second." Haley made her point perfectly clear.

"I will inform the guys. I think your whole firehouse is waiting outside."

"Dawson?"

"Gabby is fine. She brought you in together with Shay. Matt I will set up an appointment with our psychologist tomorrow."

"What?"

"Your medical problems were completely caused of psychological problems. I have no other option."

"Haley you know me well enough to know that I don't need to see a psychologist!" Matt pointed out while struggling to breath. He felt like running for a thousand miles. Haley placed the oxygen mask back onto his face.

"What I know is the fact that you where brought in hear near to cardiac arrest because you suffered a panic attack. That's all I need to know."

Haley nodded to the nurse to get Casey ready for transfer while she headed out to the waiting members of firehouse 51.

"Haley!", Severide was the first one to notice the doctor stepping out of the room. Everyone was at their feet within seconds facing the well know doctor, waiting impatiently what she had to tell them about their Lieutenant, about their friend, about their college.  
"First of all he is going to be alright." Haley announced getting the waiting members of firehouse 51 to breath out in relief.  
"Matt's situation was critical as he was brought in here. We had problems to stabilize him. He still isn't completely out of the woods. He is pretty short of breath because his heart had pumped way to much during the rescue. He will be transferred to the ICU and we will monitor him closely. I know that you all want to see him. I will allow all of you to step in for a minute to say hallo but then you will have to leave. Matt needs his rest. Give me a few more minutes to get him settled before I get you." Everyone nodded while Haley walked back to the examination room, Dawson following closely.

"Haley?", she stopped the doctor.

"Yeah?"

"Can I...I mean is it possible for me to stay with Matt tonight?"

"He will be asleep most of the time due to the medication we gave him." Haley said and had to take a deep breath. She had always suspected that Gabriela had feelings for Matt.

"I just...we went through this together. I don't want him to be alone."

"Sure." Haley said nodding before stepping back into the examination room.

Casey had his eyes closed and sucked the fresh oxygen in deeply.

"We will get you to your room now. I allowed the guys to visit you for a second." Haley told Matt.

"I would like you to wear the oxygen mask a little longer. During the night we will switch you to a nasal cannula. I am going to get the guys." Haley explained before heading out of the room.

Severide was the first to enter Matt's ICU room, followed by every member of the firehouse. They all greeted their Lieutenant while Severide stepped forward to Matt's bed, giving his shoulder a light tab.

"Get well soon. I will stop by tomorrow." he said while Matt watched him in surprise for a second before nodding his head. Due to the mask he wasn't able to speak clearly.

"Get well soon Lieutenant.", Hermann said as well before heading out with all the other members. Dawson had waited for everyone to step out before she got into the room. As she spotted Casey in a hospital bed like that she had to swallow the tears that where building in her eyes before she stepped closer to his bedside.

"Hey." she said getting a small nod from Casey in reply.

"I was so worried about you. Don't you ever do something like that to me again.", Dawson said while failing to fight back the tears this time. Matt fumbled for his oxygen mask as he watched Dawson breaking down in front of him.

"Hey! Gabby I am here. Everything is going to be okay. I am sorry. I am so so sorry." Casey said. "There is nothing to be sorry for. I was just worried.", Dawson explained while touching Matt's hand which was holding the oxygen mask lightly, putting it back onto his mouth.

"You need to leave it on. We can talk about everything tomorrow. You just need to rest. I am staying here with you. Just rest." Dawson said in a soft voice, brushing Matt's hair back lightly.  
Haley was standing in the hallway watching Matt and Gabriela trough the glass. She had always suspected it but seeing it like that made her feel hurt. Matt was a great guy and he deserved to be happy. Maybe Gabriela could give him what he wished for and what she couldn't give him.

Dawson watched relieved as Casey closed his eyes, letting his weakly form get some rest. She looked over his vitals nodding in relieve before she leaned back in her uncomfortable chair. She was not going to leave his site.

Dawson awoke in the middle of the night to Caseys shifting in the bed. He was mumbling something under the mask that she couldn't make out. She just recognized that he was fast asleep.  
"Matt?", Dawson asked while the heart monitor started beeping. With a look Dawson could make out that his heart rate was to high. Not dangerously but higher than it should be at the moment. "Matt!", she said again louder, getting Casey to open his eyes and snap out of the horrible nightmare he just went through. The door busted open and Haley stormed into the room together with a nurse.

"Matt?", she asked immediately while hurrying to check him over.

"I need you to calm down!", Haley said in a firm tone while Matt closed his eyes again sucking in the fresh oxygen that made him feel dizzy immediately.

"Here we go." Haley said while watching his heat rate slowly coming down.

"Just a nightmare. I'm good." Casey spoke into the mask while Haley watched as Gabriela was softly touching his cheek, calming Matt down.

….to be continued! :o)


	4. Vitals

Hey everyone and thanks a lot for all of your reviews. Okay I don't write this too often...I don't think that I ever wrote it but I am not quite happy with this chapter.

Hope you will like it more than I do and leave some reviews.

Have fun!

Chapter 4 - Vitals

"Alright." Haley said as Matt's heart rate slowed down to a nearly normal rhythm.

"I'm okay." Matt tried to convince them while Haley replaced the mask from his face.

"I would like to switch to oxygen through a nasal cannula. Do you think it is going to work?" Haley asked while Matt nodded slowly.

"I don't know why it shouldn't work." Matt said while Haley got the oxygen switched and watched as Gabby helped Matt to put it on.

"Okay I see you guys are all good in here. Do you need something else Matt?"

"No thanks."

"Well then try and rest a bit more." Haley said before leaving Matt and Gabriela alone again.

Casey turned his head to look at Dawson who was looking back at him with her big hazel eyes that looked so tired and exhausted.

"Gabby you can go home, get some rest. I am okay."

"No I will not leave you alone. I have a few days off. You don't need to go through this on your own."

"Haley made an appointment with a psychologist for tomorrow."

"Yeah I already thought so. It's normal procedure Matt, she couldn't do anything else."

"I know but I don't need that."

"We can talk about that tomorrow, now you need to rest. You heard what Haley said. You have put your heart through enough today. Just close your eyes and we will figure something out tomorrow." Dawson said but Casey just shock his head.  
"I'm not tired." he lied. He couldn't stand the fact that Dawson had seen him at his weakest. All of his team had seen him at his weakest.

"I don't think that matters right now. Just close your eyes and relax a little."

"Gabby I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what?"

"About my….behavior. I should have kept a clear head. I really don't know what happened in there and I am sorry that I have put you through all of this."

"Matt stop talking like that!", Dawson said harshly. "You had a panic attack, even if you didn't get it right now but you nearly died." Dawson continued tears shimmering in her eyes.

"I had some….issues before I became a firefighter. I always thought that I got everything covered but I really don't like the combination of complete darkness with being trapped."

"Matt what happened in this elevator? I always thought that you were completely fearless."

"Yeah I heard people keep saying this but I think nobody is able to be completely fearless."

"You are right we may all have our little demons."

"Yeah."

"Matt if you want to talk about it I just want you to know that I am here."

"I know and I want to thank you for that."

"Have you talked to Severide about it?"

"About what?"

"About what had brought you to this point today."

"No."

"Maybe it's not the worst idea to talk to the psychologist tomorrow. He or she is a person you don't know and you may never see again. Sometimes talking is really helpful and I think you really need to talk to someone about it."

"Yeah maybe."

"Matt you are a hell of a firefighter and the greatest Lieutenant a team can imagine. You will pull through this. I really have no doubt about that but now you need to rest. I know that you want me to believe that you are good but your vitals are telling me something different."

"Damn monitors." Casey replied with a little grin on his face before grabbing Dawson's hand. He didn't miss the surprised look on her face before closing his eyes, keeping her head in his.

Severide didn't get much of sleep during the night. Normally he was perfectly able to leave the events of the day back at the station and head home with his head straight but today he couldn't get a hold of this sick feeling in his gut. The sorrow about Casey not showing up for work. The panic as Dawson shouted that they should hurry because Casey was in a critical condition. The image of him lying there unconscious, the image as they brought him up dangling lifeless in the harness, the way he looked pale and lost in this hospital bed.

"Damn it." Severide cursed while getting out of his bed and heading downstairs to get some breakfast and coffee.

Severide cursed again as he accidentally crashed the coffee cup against the counter, getting it to break into pieces loudly.

"Shit!" Severide growled while he could hear Shay just minutes later.

"Severide? You okay?" she asked while walking down the stairs not looking sleepy on her own. "Yeah. Couldn't sleep."

"Yeah me neither. After cleaning this mess can I get a cup of coffee too but please let my cup live, we don't have that much of them."

"Funny." Severiede answered getting two cups of coffee on the counter before cleaning up.

"Are you worried about Casey?" Shay asked while watching her friend closely.

"Casey is a stubborn coward, he will pull through this easily."

"I am sure he will but that is not what I mean and you know that. It must have been hard for you to see him like that."

"It's always hard to see one of the man like that."

"Especially when it is your best friend hanging lifeless in the harness. I know what is going through your mind Severide. Come on. Let's get dressed and head to the hospital."

"I..." Severide paused before nodding. "That would be great."

Severide spotted Haley while he was on his way to the ICU together with Shay.

"Kelly. Lesley. It's early. What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Depends on what you can tell me about Casey."

"He is stable. Nothing to worry about."

"Can I ask for a favor?"

"Spill it."

"Can I see him, you know sit with him for a while?"

"Gabby is already staying with him. He really needs rest Kelly."

"I know that. He won't recognize me I swear I just...it was hard seeing him like that you know." Haley just nodded while giving Severide access to the ICU.

Severide entered the room quietly finding Casey and Dawson fast asleep. He had to smile a little as he recognized the two of them holding hands. He had always known that they had feelings for each other even if Casey was stubborn and didn't want to admit it.  
Severide was relieved to see that Casey was only wearing a nasal cannula by now. It wasn't that scary anymore and he seemed to be alright, sleeping peacefully. Severide got a chair on the other side of Casey's bed trying his best to be completely silent. Casey, however, opened his eyes as soon as he had settled down.

"Severide?" he asked, his voice a little raw.

"Hey. Just relax. I'm just here to give you some company. I promised Haley that I won't disturb your sleep so just go back to it." Severide whispered while Casey watched him with his blue eyes. He hadn't excepted him to show up here after all they had been through.

"Did the others say anything?"

"They are all worried about you."

"I'm okay."

"You are in the ICU so please skip the I am okays."  
"Point for you."

"I know. Come on get back to sleep I don't want Haley to kick me out of here because you where to stubborn to sleep." Severide said before leaning back in his chair watching relieved as Matt drifted back to sleep again.

On the next morning Gabriela was surprised to find Severide sitting on Casey's other bedside his eyes never leaving Casey's face.

"Morning." She said softly causing Severide to look at her in surprise.

"Morning."

"Since when are you here?"

"Couple of hours." Severide watched as Gabriela got up stretching herself before looking at the monitors.

"How is he doing?"

"His vitals are pretty much better than yesterday but they are still not back to normal. His body had been through a lot yesterday. I think it will take him one or two days to get back to his normal self." "But he will be alright?"

"Yes he should be perfectly fine."

"Thank god."

"Yeah."

"What happened inside of this elevator? I still can't get all of this together. I mean a panic attack. What is causing things like that?"

"Panic as the word says." Dawson explained dryly. She knew exactly what Severide meant but couldn't give him the answer on her own.

"Haley had set up an appointment with a psychologist for today."

"She did what?"

"It's normal procedure."

"Casey doesn't need a psychologist. That's ridiculous."

"I'm with you in this." Casey said his voice still sleepy.

Four hours later Casey breathed in deeply as the doors opened and a young man walked into his room.

"Lieutenant Casey?" he asked while Casey watched him surprised. The man was nearly his age, looking way to smart for a psychologist.

"Depends on who is asking." Casey replied causing the man to smile.

"Right. Hey. My name is Robert and I am the one who got called to decide if you need to talk and if your mind is still in place. I'm the psychologist." Robert replied with a friendly and warming smile on his face.

"Can't wait for your opinion." Casey said sarcastically smiling on his own. Maybe this wasn't as worse as he first thought.

….to be continued. :o)

Please leave a review and tell me what you think :o)


	5. Truth

Hey guys!  
To koralina and pallada THANK YOU so much for your reviews. You are the only reason I posted another chapter.  
I am really disappointed that I only got 2 reviews so I was asking myself to continue or not. Here is the new chapter. I hope you will like it.

**Chapter 5 - Truth**

"So how do you want me to call you? Lieutenant Casey, Lieutenant, Mister Casey?", the psychologist asked.

"Matt would be just fine."

"Great. So Matt why did I get a call to see if you are alright?"

"I think you already now that."

"No I'm sorry. I'm not interested in all this medical stuff and I like to get the people to know on my own. The only thing I know is that you where brought in yesterday, that you are a Lieutenant of Chicago Fire Department and that it has to be something serious because you are at ICU."

"I was trapped in an elevator yesterday, power went off due to a fire, no emergency generator kicked in so I was trapped in complete darkness."

"Scary."

"You tell me."

"And then you got injured or went out of oxygen?" Robert asked pointing at the oxygen Matt was still hocked at.

"Kind of yeah. I got a panic attack - pretty bad one."

"Uh. Serious trouble. Your first one?"

"First one for years yeah."

"How old where you when the first one happened and how old with the last one?"

"I don't know. It's long ago."

"I see. So what is it that got to you? The darkness or being trapped inside an elevator with a fire raging and nothing you can do against it?"

"I hate when I am not in control but that was not my problem."

"You are a Lieutenant, you are in control and you got a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders because you are responsible to make decisions. Wow that's really tough. I don't know if I could stand things like that."

"You get used to it and it's way better to be in control on your own."

"Yeah you don't get pushed around but you can't blame anyone if things go south."

"I don't need anyone to blame if I make a mistake it's all mine."

"You are an honest man Matt."

"My problem yesterday was the combination of all. Trapped in a dark elevator without any control."

"Have you been alone inside?"

"No. Gabby, my co-worker, she is a paramedic, she was with me."

"Puh, must have been scary for her too."

"Yeah I think so.

" You know even if I am a psychologist I never use elevators on my own. I hate this little boxes."

"Most of the time I can't use elevators because the building is on fire."

"Good one." Robert chuckled before facing Casey again.

"You need to stay in here long?"

"Don't know. Don't think so."

"You got some time off or you have to got back to work immediately. "

"I will get back to work of course."

"I know people which would love to stay at home for a while after being in a hospital and going through things like that."

"I like being at work."

"You are a Lieutenant of course you like being at work. Otherwise you wouldn't be in this position in your age."

"Right."

"Let's think about something, will you join me Matt?"

"Depends."

"I want you to tell me how your first day back is going, what your routine is."

"Okay."

"So you are getting up and have breakfast or are you eating at the firehouse?"

"Depends. Sometimes I eat at home, sometimes I catch something on the way, sometimes I eat at the firehouse."

"What will you do when you get back on your first day?"

"Grab something on my way."

"Okay and then you arrive at the fire house. Who is already there?"

"Nobody. Maybe the Chief or Severide."

"You are always in early."

"Yeah." "

Where do you go?"

"Straight to my office, then to the dressing room and afterwards to the kitchen to say hi to the rest and to talk to them."

"How will they react when you are back?"

"Worried."

"Worried about you not being able to work again?"

"Worried because it was my own team that got me out of the elevator. I am pretty sure that they will have a really close eye on me for the first days."

"Is Gabriela there as well?"

"Of course."

"How will she react?"

"Worried as well and motherly together with Shay." Matt had to smile a little at the thought. He could remember when Hermann was back on duty on his first day after the accident. Shay was all mother hen around him and Matt was sure that she and Gabby would pretty much be the same when he got back.

"It's a good thought to have someone that cares right?"

"Yeah."

"A motherly person." Matt just nodded.

"And then the alarm blasts off and you get called to a building where people are trapped inside an elevator. What are you going to do?"

"We will get them out."

"Who is going down to the elevator? Who are you going to send down?"

"I am going down on my own."

"And then the power goes off."

"I have a flashlight it's not a problem at all and I am secured to a harness."

"You are sure that nothing can happen to you?"

"You can't be a hundred percent sure of that but with my man up there securing me I am pretty sure yes."

"No sick feeling in your gut."

"No."

"What could have happened as you where trapped inside the elevator with Gabby. Why haven't you tried to get out, you know how all of this works."

"It was different."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like the combination of being trapped without having orientation or the opportunity to get out as soon as I want to."

"When did something like that happen before?"

"You really want to know that because I know perfectly fine where it all comes from."

"Then give it away Matt. I can use some extra time for another patient."

"As I was a boy I locked myself into the closet under the steps at my parents. My parents where fighting as usual and I heard a shot. It was my mother. She had shot my father. I was trapped for nearly the whole night because nobody was looking for my inside this little closet. Since this time I am not a big fan of being trapped in small spaces with complete darkness surrounding me."

"Wow. Matt I am really sorry to hear that." Robert said while Matt looked him straight into his eyes.

"I really got everything under control it was just a bad bad combination of things."

"Okay even if I get to a point now where you are going to get angry, and I am pretty sure you will, I don't think you worked up all this stuff that happened to you. You hate to be at home, you need people surrounding you, you became a Lieutenant because you can't stand the fact that somebody else is in control over you, over your life. You are looking forward to Gabriela being motherly to you because your mother was ripped away from you a long long time ago and you need someone to care about you, even if you don't see it right now. You can't pick a member of your team to go down the elevator to get this people out because you want to face your fear on your own. You trust your man with your life and you want them to think that you are fearless, that's why you are marching in first when there is a building on fire, that's why you go down that elevator shaft to get this people out." Robert pointed out while Matt was just staring at the opposite wall. His heart rate was giving away that he tried his best to keep in control.

"As a psychologist I can only give you the advice to find a shrink and get a therapy but you can only do this if YOU want it."

"Are you done?"

"Indeed I am. What do you think about the things I just told you?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Impressive. I would be really angry if somebody who knew me for 20 minutes would tell me things like that."

"You are just doing your job."

"Alright. I will clear you for duty and I will tell your doctor what I would assume."

"Yeah thanks."

"If you get to the point where you are ready to talk to a shrink, you can give me a call I can give you some numbers." Robert said handing Matt a card.

"I hope to hear from you."

"Yeah." Matt just said while letting his head sink back into the pillows after Robert left the room. He was angry about the things he had said even if he knew deep down in his heard and his mind that Robert was right. Only 20 minutes and he knew more about him than anyone else. He was damn good in his job.

Matt got into a sitting position and freed himself from the oxygen before getting the patches from his bare breast. He inhaled deeply as the alarm went off, Haley was in his room just seconds after.

"Matt what are you doing?" she asked getting off the horrible alarm.

"I talked to the psychologist and I feel good. I am fine and I want to go home." Matt said while getting to his feet.

"You can't just go home Matt. Your body is still weak you need to rest." Haley said while Matt got his hands onto the IV pole.

"Matt. Alirght. Just STOP!" Haley shouted getting Matt to look back at her.

"You have to trust me Matt. You are in no condition to be released."

"I'm fine."

"No you are not. I can promise you that you won't make it out of this hospital on your own. Your blood pressure will get all roller coaster on you and I am sure you will collapse before you get to the front door." "I want to sign my release papers Haley."

"Fine!" Haley snapped while Matt sank back to his bed as soon as Haley had left the room. He was shaky and he felt miserable but he wouldn't stay in this damn hospital any longer.

"Kelly! Oh thank god. You have to talk to Matt." Haley said as soon as she spotted Severide entering the ICU again.

"Why? What's going on?"

"He wants to fill out his release papers. He will not make it out of here without collapsing."

"I get it." Severide said before heading to Matt's room watching as Matt tried to get his trousers back on.

"What's your plan?" Severide asked watching his struggling and so damn stubborn friend.

"I am going out of here." "Haley told me that you are in no condition to even think about walking out of here."

"Yeah whatever."

"Do I need to point out that you are not even capable of dressing yourself?" Severide asked pointing at the trousers Matt was still trying to get on.

"You could give me a hand."

"And then what? Give you company on your suicide mission? No way man. I held your lifeless body in my arms once this week and I don't want to ever have this feeling again, did I make my point clear?"

"I get it but I am fine and I need to get out of here."

"You can as soon as you are in the condition to leave."

"Severide please. You know that I won't ask if it wasn't urgent."

"Why is it urgent?"

"You know that I hate hospitals. I would help you to get out."

"Oh come on Casey you won't and you know that!"

"Yeah maybe but I know that you will."

"Damn it. I will call Dawson and let her know what your plan is. If she is sure that you will survive this we will talk again."

"Good."

"Good." Severide said before walking out of Matt's room Haley already waiting for him.

"Haley I need to know if something life threatening can happen to him."

"No. He can and properly will collapse but nothing life threatening."

"I think I can't stop him."

"I know."

"I will give Dawson a call. She's a paramedic. Maybe I can leave Casey with her so she can take care of him."

"Oh I'm pretty sure she will take good care of him." Haley snapped causing Severide to rise his hands in defeat.

"None of my business." He pointed out before heading out to call Dawson.

….to be continued!

Hope to get some more reviews...


	6. Collapse

WOW! Okay THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! That's the way I like it. :o)

To the reviews about the psychological part of the last chapter...Psychology was a part of my graduation so I had fun writing this part because that is the way I watch TV shows...can't stop analyzing people...:o)

So many reviews...it makes my fingers go faster :o) So here is the new chapter. I hope you all like it and you will leave a review.

Enjoy reading!

**Chapter 6 – Collpase **

"Severide? Something wrong with Matt?" Dawson asked as soon as she saw the caller ID. Severide could hear her sleepy voice.

"Indeed. He is out of his mind."

"Why? What did the psychologist say?" Dawson asked stretching herself out to clear her mind. Severide paused. The psychologist. He hadn't thought about that. Maybe he was the reason why Matt had to get out of the hospital.

"Severide?"

"Ah yeah. He wants to go home."

"What?"

"Haley says he is in no condition, he will properly collapse while trying but you know him Dawson. I can't keep him in here. He will release himself with or without my help."

"I know. Okay. I will arrange everything so you can drop him off at my house but I will need you to get some medication from the drug store if he really collapses on me."

"Everything you need."

"I will call the chief and tell him I need a few more days off."

"See you in a bit."

"Get him here save."

"I'm trying."

As Severide entered the ICU again Casey had managed to get himself dressed. He was shaking and Severide couldn't find the right word that could describe the color of his face

"You look like hell. Are you going to vomit?"

"Shut up."

"I talked to Dawson. I will get you out of here but there is one little thing."

"Spill it."

"You are going to stay with Dawson. She is a paramedic and can keep a close eye on you."

"But….I…"

"Don't even try it! You are staying with Dawson or you are staying right here."

"Fine."

"I thought so."

"You are sure about this?" Haley asked as she got into Matt's room after Severide had told her, that he was going to take Casey home.

"Absolutely."

"The shrink told me you are all clear."

"Good."

"I need you to sign this papers." Haley said watching Matt's shaky hands.

"You are properly going to collapse you know that right?"

"I am not."

"Sure. My fault Superman."

"Do I need to keep an eye on something special? Anything to worry about?" Severide asked towards Haley.

"The question what you shouldn't worry about is much shorter. Just….Gabby knows what to do."

"Thank you Hales." Matt said while getting up slowly.

"I won't ever see you like this here. Be careful."

"I will." Casey replied before leaving the ICU at Severide side.

Severide could tell that Casey was beyond exhausted on their way outside. He could watch him getting weaker so he just put an arm around Caseys right arm supporting him.

"I got you." He just said as Casey nearly tripped while his body was screaming from exhaustion.

Casey was glad as he got into the passenger seat of Severide car trying his best to not pass out. He hadn't expected to feel this worse. Haley had told him that his body was exhausted due to the events of the previous day but this was more than he had expected in his biggest nightmares.  
Casey passed out immediately causing Severide to take in a deep breath as he drove his way to Gabby's house. He had never seen Casey weak. Never. Seeing him like this nearly ripped his heart off. Whatever had happened he had to take care of him.

Gabby opened the door as soon as she could see Severides car. She recognized Casey leaning against the window not moving as Severide got out of the car.

"It's bad Dawson." Severide said immediately.

"What do you mean?"

"It took him half an hour to get himself dressed and I nearly had to drag him to the car. He fell asleep immediately." Dawson could see the worried look all over Severide face. It made him look old. Old and tired.

"His body is just reacting to the events of the previous day. Normally he would still be attached to oxygen barely moving in his hospital bed. He's far away from being back to 100 percent. At least his body is."

"Yeah I recognized that. But he will be okay….right?"

"I hope so. Come on let's get him inside." Severide nodded while climbing back onto the drivers seat to get Casey awake lightly. Casey needed a minute to clear his vision and take in his surroundings. He could hear Gabbys soft voice and the fresh air was tickling on his face.

"Come on sleeping beauty, let's get you inside." Severide said getting to Caseys side on the passenger door. He heaved him out of the car and supported him immediately. Casey tried his best to blink away the fog in front of his eyes. He felt beyond miserable.

"You need me to carry you?" Severide asked getting Matt to shake his head.

"I'm good." He mumbled before moving towards Gabby's house his legs buckling underneath his body.

"Casey." Severide screamed as Matt's legs gave away. Severide watched in shock as Caseys body got completely numb inside of his arms again.

"Get him inside!" Dawson, who was carrying the things he had grabbed in the drug store screamed at him.

Severide lifted Casey into his arms before hurrying inside as fast as possible with the extra weight in his arms.

"On the couch." Gabby directed him while Severide laid Casey's unmoving body down looking at Dawson in complete horror.

"He will be okay. Just breath Kelly!" Dawson said while Kelly took in a shaky breath. He hadn't even noticed that he had been holding it.  
"Matt can you hear me?" Gabby tried to wake him up without any success before looking for a pulse on his neck.

"Okay. I'm setting an IV pole now. I need you to hold this up." Dawson said handing Severide a fluid filled IV. Severide did as he was told watching still unmoving as Dawson set up the IV.

"Hold it up." She pointed at Severide while she attached Casey to the IV.

"Matt? You with me again?" She asked while rubbing a hand against his sternum not to lightly getting Casey to moan out in response.

"Here we go. Open your eyes Matt." Gabby told him again and indeed Casey's eyes started to open seconds afterwards. He tried his best to take in his surroundings but couldn't stand the sick feeling in his gut any longer.

"Sick!" he croaked out getting Dawson to move immediately. Severide was still in great trouble to get everything in line widening his eyes even more as Dawson started to move quickly.

"Turn him to his side!" She nearly screamed at Severide who looked at the IV he was still holding up before dropping it and helping Matt to his side as Dawson had told him. Dawson got back with a bowl in her hands as Matt started to throw up violently Severide hands firmly on his back, holding him on his side while Dawson supported his head and was holding the bowl.

"Good?" She asked as Casey had finished waiting for a small nod before taking the bowl away. Severide was still holding Casey firmly as she returned.

"Okay he can lay back down now." Dawson said and watched as Severide helped Matt to settle back down to his back. Whatever she had thought about him before now Dawson could see the wonderful person Shay always told her about.

"Matt keep talking to me!" Severide said slapping Matt on his cheeks lightly before looking back at Dawson in shock.

"He is unconscious again."

"I know." Dawson said lifting the IV up from the floor.

"What's going on?"

"He collapsed as Haley told. We attached him to an IV and there is nothing more we can do."

"But he will pull through this right?"

"Yeah. He needs to rest and his body is forcing him to do so right now."

"Why did he throw up?"

"It's from exhaustion. He will be fine Kelly."

"You sure about that? I mean he isn't attached to a monitor or to oxygen right now. How do you know that he is alright?"

"Relax. I know it alright? I drove to the firehouse after you called me. I even got oxygen ready but right now he doesn't need any. He is alright."

"He is so damn stubborn."

"Yeah you tell me."

"Kelly it's not like I don't want your company but…." Dawson started after she had controlled Casey vitals in the middle of the night while Severide was still sitting in her living room opposite to Casey his eyes never leaving his friend.

"Why isn't he waking up?"

"His body is resting. I just controlled all his vitals. He is okay."

"You can go to bed I will stay here and just….I will watch him you know."

"Severide go home, I mean it. I got it okay? I will never let anything happen to him. Come on. I will give Shay a call so she can give you a lift. You are tired and exhausted on your own." Dawson pointed out before grabbing her cell to call Shay. She had informed her before that Severide was bringing Casey over.

As Shay entered the living room she walked directly to the couch taking in Casey's still form and the IV in his arm.

"Everything under control?" Dawson just nodded before Shay turned around to face Severide. His eyes where bloodshot and she could tell that he was exhausted on his own.

"Come on. You need to sleep a bit. Shift starts in a few hours." Shay said while Severide got to his feet slowly his eyes meeting Dawson's.

"Promise me you will call if anything changes."

"I promise."

….to be continued!

Thank you for reading! Push the button :o)


	7. Pain

Hey everyone! Thank you again for all the reviews. What happened to the chapter? I hope you all where able to read it. For me it's displaying just fine?! Mh...

As I wrote before...all the reviews are making my fingers go faster :o) I love it how long your reviews are so thanks to all of you so so much!

Here is the new chapter already. I hope you will like it!

Ah just one more thing...you really want to get more Casey whump...?! I can manage that if you want to...

**Chapter 7 - Pain**

Casey awoke to soft hands on his neck checking his pulse. He blinked and was immediately surprised to see Dawson this close.

"Where am I?" He asked puzzled.

"Good morning to you too." Dawson said before sitting down right next to Casey on the couch.

"You are at my home. Severide brought you here. You remember anything?" She continued.

"No. We left the hospital, after that it's a big blur."

"You collapsed as Haley had told you."

"What? Oh no. Gabby I don't want to cause you any trouble. I'm sorry."

"You can be sorry for being so damn stubborn to leave the hospital even if your doctor told you that it was absolutely necessary to stay there."

"Look I really haven't thought that it would be that bad. I'm sorry. I didn't want to be such a big burden. I'm just going home and then…."

"And then what?" Gabby interrupted him while pressing his body back on the couch.

"Stop acting like that Matt. You need to accept that your body needs some time to rest and you will damn sure stay here - no space for any discussions."

"But…"

"As I said no space for ANY discussions. How do you feel?"

"Miserable."

"Yeah I thought so. I made some soup."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know but you are absolutely going to eat."

"I need to use your bathroom. Urgent.", Casey pointed out as he felt the great pressure on his bladder.

"Get up slowly." Gabby said helping Matt to get into a sitting position his vision stating to blur immediately.

"It's your blood pressure. Just keep sitting it will get better." Gabby explained while Matt tried to focus.

"I'm good." He said after another minute before getting up to his feat with Gabriela's help.

Matt nearly tripped on his shaky legs while Gabriela helped him to the bathroom.

"I will wait outside. No stunts. Just call me when you are done." She said and was surprised as Casey really called out for her after flushing the toilet.

Casey was beyond glad as he returned to the couch safely accepting the soup Gabriela had made for him.

"It's fabulous."

"My grandma used to make it when I was ill."

"Fantastic."

"I am going to call Severide and tell him that you are back in the land of the living again. He was really worried."

"Severide?"

"Of course. I called Shay to give him a ride home in the middle of the night."

"He had to be on shift early."

"I know. I promised him to call as soon as anything changes."

"Dawson? How is he holding up?" Severide asked as soon as he answered the call.

"Alive awake and eating."

"Good to hear. Listen we are just heading to a call. I will stop by after shift. See you."

"Be careful!"  
"Always am."

As Severide entered Dawson's house in the evening he was beyond tired and exhausted but he wanted to see Casey on his own.  
"Hey stubborn fool!" Severide said with a smile on his lips as he found Casey sitting on the couch looking much better than all the days before.

"Skip the lecture I already got one." Casey responded looking at Dawson.

"Come on it was a soft one."

"How was shift?"

"Busy. Warehouse fire had a lot to do covering your spot as well."

"Everyone okay?"

"Of course. I should say hello from the whole team. Chief is asking when you two will be back at work."  
"We just talked about that. Matt will rest and then get back on shift in two days."

"Isn't that to early?" Severide asked watching his friend closely.

"I am okay. Really."

"Heard that a couple of times and I am still not believing anything of it."

"He should really be okay to come back." Gabriela agreed.

"I don't want to sound like a softy here but damn it Casey I don't ever want to hold your lifeless body in my arms again. I know I told you so in the hospital and I really mean it. I was worried sick."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. Just….rest until you are really ready to get back okay?"

"I will."

"Do you want some soup?" , Dawson asked to light up the mood.

"You should try it. It's delicious and I am pretty sure Dawson made enough to feed the whole firehouse." "I…yes…I would love to." Severide answered and Casey had to smile a little. It felt like old times.

Severide left late in the evening convinced enough that Casey was alright and he didn't need to worry anymore. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"You tired?" Dawson asked watching Casey closely after returning to the living room.

"No I'm fine."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How was your appointment with the psychologist?"

"Not that bad. He was really nice but nonetheless he was a psychologist."

"You got cleared for duty?"

"Yes I did. Look Gabby I knew what happened in this elevator and I told the psychologist everything."

"If you want to talk about it I am here for you."

"I know but it's difficult."

"You don't need to tell me."

"You have the right to know why I passed out on you like that in the elevator." Matt said before taking a deep breath telling Dawson his story.

Matt stopped as he could see tears shining in Dawson's eyes. She was bravely fighting to hold them back so he continued telling her everything that happened that night, everything that he remembered while being stuck inside of the elevator.

"Matt…I'm…I don't know what to say…I'm…" Dawson tried to find words for her emotions as Casey had finished talking while she ended up in his arms crying.

"Thank you for telling me." Dawson said after a while lifting her head from Casey's chest.

"I am glad you listened."

"I will always listen to you."

"I know." Casey said while brushing some hair out of Dawson's face. She was still that close he could fell her breath on his nose. There they where. Her big hazel eyes he had imagined in the bright darkness of the elevator. Without thinking any further Casey leaned forward to kiss Dawson who bagged away immediately leaving Matt looking back at her with his eyes full of hurt.

"I'm sorry."

"No! I...I am sorry...you know there is...I am seeing someone else." Dawson said watching the pain in Matt's wonderful blue eyes.  
"I shouldn't have done that. I will leave now. Just..." Matt mumbled getting up.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"I am going home."

"You are in no condition to go home."

"Thank you for taking care of me." Casey said getting his shoes on.

"You can't just leave now."

"What is your boyfriend thinking about the time you spent with me in the hospital or about the fact that I crashed at your home? I haven't known that there was someone else and I am sorry for not even thinking about it. I will call a cab and head home. See you in two days."

"Stop it Matt!" Dawson tried to interrupt once more but all she got was Casey shutting the door behind him.

"Shit!" Gabby cursed while heading for her mobile.

"Dawson?"

"Casey just left."

"What? What the hell happened? I just left an hour ago."

"He tried to kiss me."

"Finally."

"No not finally. I am seeing someone else Severide."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Casey packed his things. He's heading home."

"I get it."

Casey slammed the door shut as he got inside his dark cold and silent house. He switched on the lights immediately before turning the TV on as usual. He couldn't stand the silence.  
How could he be so plain stupid? What was he thinking? He had pushed her away on that Christmas party. Afraid of his feelings. She was a beautiful woman. She deserved someone better than him. Someone without so many issues. He should be happy for her. She deserved someone to love her.

Casey inhaled deeply as he could feel the tears burning inside of his eyes. He wasn't the type for crying. He wouldn't cry. It was his own fault. He brushed the tears away angrily before smashing the now empty beer bottle to the opposite wall.

At the sound of the door bell Casey looked up shocked. He hadn't recognized that he had slipped down the wall and was now sitting on his living room floor. Tears still streaming down his face. He couldn't even tell how long he had remained in this position.

"Casey open up. It's Severide. I now you are there."

Casey tried to ignore the ringing and knocking.

"I swear I will break this door if you won't open! Come on man. Casey!" Severide continued shouting while Matt got up slowly.

"Coming." He yelled before wiping away the remaining tears and heading for his front door.  
"One minute longer and I would have smacked it!"

"What do you want?"

"I can remember us talking a few hours ago."

"Yeah I am good as you can see." Severide took in the image of his friend. His eyes where bloodshot. He had obviously been crying. Even after the breakup with Haley he hadn't seen him in such a bad shape.  
"You need a drink?" Severide asked even if he knew that from the medical site Casey would need to rest. "Wouldn't be the worst idea."

"Get dressed I will drive." Severide offered.

"No thanks. Don't feel like going out right now."

"Can I come in or what?"

"I am tired."

"And I am worried."

"What the hell is going on with you? You didn't give a shit on me for month so why are you going all mother hen now?"

"You really need me to answer this?"

"Obviously yes."

"We lost Darden. We both did. And two days ago I was pretty damn sure that I was going to lose you too."

"Yeah but you didn't."

"I am worried Casey. I care about you."

"I am fine."

"No you are not. You are far away from being fine. You have been crying."

"Severide I am tired. I will see you at work in two days." Severide just nodded while Casey closed the door in front of him.

…**.to be continued!**

Hope to get a lot more of your great reviews. Thanks to all of you!


	8. Realization

Hey all you amazing readers and reviewers. You really got my smiling brightly. I LOVE your comments. SOOOOO many so great and so long comments. THANK YOU! Got the new chapter ready for you guys. I hope you will like it and leave a comment.

Did you recognize during the last episode...Dawson calling Casey, the picture of them showing up on his phone...poor poor him...:o(

**Chapter 8 – Realization **

**Two days later...**

Casey felt like hell after getting up in the morning. He had spent the whole day drinking. As he entered the silent fire house he got straight to the dressing room before heading to his office.

"Casey. Welcome back." Chief Boden said as he peeked into Casey's office minutes after arriving.

"Thanks Chief."

"Hospital filled me in you are back to full duty. You feel up to it?"

"Of course."

Casey knew that he had to come out of his hole to face his team. To face Gabriela.

"Look who is back!" Hermann cheered first as Casey walked in.

"Skip the applause. Nothing big." Casey said immediately before accepting the warm hugs and handshakes of his team.  
"I am glad you are back. Couldn't stand another day under Mister Squad guy here." Mouch joked so Severide could hear every single word.

"I think he covered my spot quite well. You are all here in one piece so..." Casey said before facing Severide. The two of them just shared a look before Mills spoke up.

"Hope to give you a mild start for today." He said while everyone turned around to face the candidate. "Oh come on Mills! In all those month here you haven't learned anything. Don't tell me you just said that!" Hermann said while Mills got his hands up in defeat.

"Come on, what's wrong with that one? I know that I am not allowed to say something else here I get it but what is wrong with this one?"

"Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Engine 51...Apartment fire."

"No more explanation necessary I think. Thanks for that one Peter Mills." Casey said getting into action. He had hoped for a mild start on his own.

"Oh come on! This is bad!" Hermann said as they arrived on scene. Indeed Casey widened his eyes for a second as he could see the fire already spreading on six levels of the ten leveled building.

"Any reports about people inside?" Casey asked meting Severide in front of both trucks.

"Yes there are people missing but we don't now if they where in the building as the fire started."

"Doesn't help. Okay I want Hermann, Mills and Cruz with me. Otis, Mouch vent the building..." Casey started with his instructions as well as Severide did.

"Casey Severide be damn careful. Smoke and structure doesn't look to good." Chief said before they where heading inside.

"Hermann we are going up top with Severide." Casey said following Severide closely. They had to hurry.

"Got two down here. Taking them out." Casey could hear Mills through the headset.

"Fire department. Anyone here. Call out " Severide screamed while Casey and Hermann headed up another level.

"Can't reach floor 10 and 9. Starting to clear 8." Casey said proceeding slowly with Hermann by his side. The smoke was thick and the heat of the flames nearly felt like they where on fire on their own. "Lieutenant watch the ceiling." Hermann pointed out.

"We have to fall back. Ceiling is about to give in." Casey said following Hermann to the staircase.  
"Help!" Casey stopped in his tracks locking around frantically.

"You heard that?" He asked towards Hermann but just got a head shake.

"Coming down with an old lady. Unconscious badly burned. Paramedics be ready." Severide interrupted them.

"Help!"

"It's Casey. I hear somebody. I am going up again!" Casey said turning around again.

"Lieutenant the ceiling is about to give in." Hermann pointed out once more before Casey could hear the strong voice of the Chief.

"Casey fall back now. Smoke is getting thicker. The upper levels can't be cleared anymore. Fall back." Chief said but Casey already made it back to the 8th floor.

"Copy that. I am back on 8 and will come down in a second. Fire department. Call out!" He shouted.

"Hermann get down here. Get the old lady outside. I am going with Casey." Severide pointed out before handing the woman to Hermann and climbing up the stairs as well. He could hear the building scream under the flames. He knew that they had to get out of there now but he also knew that there had to be a damn good reason for Casey to go back up.

As he got closer to where Casey's last position was he could see him emerge out of an apartment a little girl in his arms. Severide could see that Casey was struggling but he held the little girl firmly even as he dropped to his knees not far away from Severide's position.

"I get her. Come on. We have to get out. Are you alright?" Severide asked while Casey just nodded handing the little girl over to Severide. Casey was beyond exhausted and remained still for a second before getting back to his feet. He knew that he had to get out of there now.

As Severide got down he handed the girl over to the waiting paramedics before turning around, Casey no where to be found.

"The building is going to collapse. Everybody fall back." Chief said while Severide got back inside just a little to find Casey stumbling down the remaining stairs. He grabbed him under his arm before they both made their way out of the building.

"Casey, you're alright?" Severide asked as he ripped down his mask as soon as they where surrounded by fresh air again Casey doing the same.

"Little hot in there." He said before accepting the bottle of water Mills handed to them getting his head cooled off.

"Are you two alright?" Shay asked while Casey's eyes met Dawson's for just a second.

"Of course we are."

"What about the girl?" Casey asked getting a thumb up from Dawson.

"Thank good."

Back at the firehouse all Casey could think about was the comfort of his bed. He knew that it was a huge mistake to get drunk yesterday. Normally he never did things like that. His job was way to important to just give 85 percent.

"Lieutenant you okay?" Mills asked after watching Casey for a second.

"Yeah." Casey replied storming towards the bathroom. He had been sick from exhaustion and the ride in the fire truck had done the rest.

Cassey shoved the doors open and knelt down in front of the Toilette before throwing up violently. He felt sick, sick and exhausted.

"Seen Casey?" Severide asked as Mouch crossed his way.

"Jup. He's clearing out his system on the toilette."

"He….what? What are you talking about?"

"Severide I don't know what happened in the elevator. Everybody refuses talking about it but I can tell you that the Lieutenant is sick and is throwing up violently."

"Thanks Mouch. I got this." Severide answered before heading towards Matt.

"Casey?" He asked while Casey just flushed the toilette. He was pale as a ghost as he got out, Severide leaning against the sink.

"What's going on?"

"Used the Toilette."

"The guys are talking. Mouch told me you where throwing up."

"Damn it."

"You have a good team back there. They are caring about you."

"What the hell is going on with all of you? I am fine."

"Yeah? Throwing up on shift. Perfectly fine I can tell."

"It's nothing. I just had too much to drink yesterday."

"Who did you go out with? Please don't tell me you got shitfaced all alone at your house."

"Skip it."

"Casey!"

"Leave me alone Severide. I am fine!"

"No you…."

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61. Gun shot victim."

"Got to go."

"I will cover up for you."

"No you won't."

"Casey!"

"Severide! It's my team, my truck. Don't even think about it! Not a second." Casey warned while heading for his truck leaving a cursing Severide behind.

As the got to the scene Casey told his man to stay in the safety of the truck before heading towards a police officer.

"All clear?" He asked waiting for the answer before he gestured the rest of the team to get out of the truck as well.  
"Couldn't find him. Few of my man are in pursuit."

"Alright. Dawson Shay, you can't go in alone. Mills with me." Casey said before heading for the front entrance. Casey was walking in first, Shay and Dawson following, Mills at the end.

"Did the officer say anything?"

"They are still in pursuit, didn't want you to go in all alone. Don't know quiet sure if it's save." Casey answered before knocking on the door harshly.

"Fire department. Open up!" He called out waiting for the door to open. A woman in her forties opened the door and Matt could tell with one look that they where in the middle of a drug hell.

"Ma'me your son got shot?"

"Yeah. Bastard. Right over there." She said with her raw voice pointing towards the couch.

Casey watched as Shay and Gabriela hurried towards the victim while he secured the door and the hallway. He couldn't stand her presence today. It was hurting him to much. Casey watched suspicious as Mills handed Gabriela something.

He could see his hand resting in hers for a second to long.

He could see the look the two of them where sharing.

He could see the sparks flying.

Mills.

His Candidate.

Casey felt like his beating heart was ripped out of his chest forcefully and without any warning. He winced slightly getting Shay, Dawson and Mills to look over at him immediately.

"Casey you alright?" "Lieutenant?" Dawson and Mills asked simultaneously.

"Sorry. Everything okay." Casey replied nearly slapping himself for wincing.  
"Just leave this bastard to die. He isn't worth all this work." The woman behind him started to scream getting Casey to turn around .

"Ma'me step back please!" He said with a strong voice.

"Who are you god damn it. It's my house. Get out of my way."

"Ma'me the paramedics are doing their job. I want you to step back." Casey said again with a strong voice while he could feel Mills presence behind him.

"Ah whatever." She said turning around before starting another turn out of nowhere shoving Casey, who had just turned away, to the side but got caught by Mills.

"Ma'me I don't want to hurt you so stay calm." Mills said before looking over at Casey who had dumped to the ground.

"Lieutenant?"

"Get her to the police." Casey said while he could see some blood on his hand.

"Damn it!" He cursed after touching his head again. It was just a cut nonetheless he was bleeding.

"You are bleeding Lieutenant." Mills said while Casey grabbed the woman on his own.

"I will bring her down. Secure the door. I will be up in no second." Casey said before getting the woman down to the police.

….to be continued!

I really can't wait to read all you great great great great reviews! :o)


	9. DrSeveride

Hey to all of you once again! THANK YOU for all of your reviews!

You have to be strong now...I am going on vacation...cruise ship...won't be back until the middle of March...

serenityhimesheppard: I would be more worried if there weren't any mistakes :o) English is not my first language (I only learned it at school) and I am writing without a beta reader. I hope it isn't that bad? Otherwise I will look out for a beta reader?!

Guest from Germany: Ist das schön auch mal etwas auf Deutsch zu lesen! DANKE :o) Schön, dass es noch andere gibt die diese Serie auch gucken.

olimpia: THANK YOU ... * blushing *

tzswei: Thank you but all the great reviews do too! Wouldn't write this story without you guys!

S.A.N.e-but-inS.A.N.e: :o) THANK YOU! Not two hours but fast...right? :o)

But for now have fun with the new chapter and please leave a review!

**Chapter 9 – Dr. Severide**

As he got upstairs again Mills was carrying the victim together with Shay and Dawson.

"Step back.", Casey said towards Shay and Dawson.

"Casey! What the hell happened to your head? You are bleeding!" Shay said but Casey ignoring her completely.

"I got him." He said as he grabbed both ends of the stretcher, carrying the man downstairs together with Mills.

"Give me a look at your head.", Dawson said after loading the man into the ambulance.

"It's nothing!"

"It's too much blood for nothing."

"Come on you got to go. I promise you I'm fine." Casey said turning around abruptly. He didn't want her this near. Casey looked over at Mills who was talking to the rest of the team. Mills.

"Lieutenant do we need to get you a doctor?" Hermann asked pointing at Casey's head.

"No. Just got into a little cat fight. It has already stopped bleeding. It's defiantly looking worse than it actually is."

The first thing Severide spotted as Truck 81 got back into the garage was the red strains of blood on Casey's head and in Casey's hair. He got to his feet immediately nearly running towards Casey's truck.

"What the hell happened?" He asked taking in the image of his friend.

"Cat fight." Hermann laughed.

"No seriously man this is looking bad."

"Come on Severide it's just a little cut. You know that head wounds are always bleeding like hell .", Casey replied watching his friend suspiciously. He had never seen Severide this near to freaking out.

"Did Shay or Dawson take a look at it?"

"They where kinda busy with a gun shoot wound." Matt said jumping out of the truck.

"Let me take a look at it."

"You're a paramedic now?", Casey asked with a grin.

"Think you said you didn't need one."

"Good point. You can help me locate the wound and clean it up."

"Come on." Severide said heading towards a table Casey following close behind.

"Matt what happened?" Chief called out after spotting Casey as well.

"Cat fight!" Hermann yelled from behind.

"Nothing to worry about Chief. Properly a little cut. Haven't seen it yet on my own."

Severide got the gloves onto his hands before starting to clean up Casey's head gently.

"1 centimeter."

"Never I bet it's 5 centimeter."

"You gotta be kidding me. Never.", Hermann and Mouch argued while watching Severide patching up their Lieutenant.

"Guys. Will you please stop doing this? Now! I can hear you", Casey pointed out.

"Sorry Lieutenant."

"Yeah sorry Lieutenant but tell me what you think first. More like one or five?"

"Hermann shut up!"

"Ah I found it." Severide said and nearly had to fight back Mouch and Hermann.

"Guys please. It's a serious head injury I have to concentrate.", Severide joked relived to see that his friend was actually really okay.

"Yes Dr. Severide."

"Come on just spill it. How big?"

"Hermann won. 2 centimeter!"

"Hah!" Hermann called out.

"What? There was so much blood!"

"Never had a head injury before Mouch?" Severide asked.

"Can't believe you never got a head injury before!" Hermann said.

"I had a head injury before."

The two continued to fight while Severide looked at Casey again.

"Any dizziness?"

"Oh come on you are not checking for a concussion are you? You just told yourself that it is a minor cut. Minor minor cut."  
"Yeah but you banged your head up."

"Severide look I can understand that you are worried. At least I am trying to understand what's going through your mind right now but I can just tell you I am fine."

"How bad is it?" Dawson asked immediately as she walked in at the same second. She had just told Shay what happened between Matt and her on their way back in the ambulance.  
"Just a small cut. It isn't even bleeding anymore. Everything is just fine." Casey said not even looking at Dawson.

"Any dizziness or…"

"Don't even get it started." Casey said before hopping from the desk he had been sitting on during the whole procedure.  
"Matt can I talk to you for a second?" Dawson asked getting Casey to turn around.

"Why?"

"Private." Casey nodded before heading to his office Dawson following.

"What is it?"

"Look I am sorry for what happened.", Dawson started.

"Does the Chief know about you and Mills? I didn't know and I am his Lieutenant. That's really pissing me off. Since when are you two seeing each other?"

"Mills….what…Casey….", Dawson stumbled.

"Come on I saw you today. Since when?"

"A few weeks."

"Weeks? Great."

"Are you going to tell the Chief."

"Oh come on Dawson we both know that I have to."

"I promise you it won't get in our way. It didn't before."

"I will not cover you up."

"Matt please." Gabriela pleaded getting Casey to look at her. Her beautiful hazel eyes.

"Does he make you happy?"

"What?"

"Mills."

"Yeah. Yeah he does. Completely. He is a very very good guy."

"Great. You deserve to be happy." Dawson widened her eyes a little as she spotted the tears building up in Casey's eyes.

"So you are telling the Chief?"

"We never, and I mean NEVER talk about it. I don't know anything about a relationship going on between the two of you. If something happens I will tell the Chief I didn't know." Casey said before turning away from Dawson. He couldn't stand her gaze any longer

"Thank you." Dawson whispered still shaken by Casey's reaction.

As Casey got home in the evening he was beyond tired and exhausted. His voice mail was blinking showing him a missed call. Casey pushed the button suspiciously.

"Mister Casey. This is Officer Dan Barrel. I am calling to announce the parole hearing for Misses Casey. It's Monday in two weeks, the 22. Thank you." Casey exhaled deeply.

This was the last thing he needed right now. He got his phone out of his pocket and scrolled down to Christie. He hadn't talked to his sister for a whole year. He missed her but he got used to it. He missed her since 15 years. Since the day their whole family got completely ripped apart.

Matt inhaled deeply before pushing the call button.

"Matt."

"Hey. Christie. How are you?" Matt asked stiffly. It felt so uneasy talking to his own sister.

"Are you calling because of the parole hearing?"

"Yeah." "You know what I am thinking about it. Are you still on her side?"

"I will not let her down. She is our mother."

"She killed our father."

"Yes and she paid for it with 15 years of her life!" Matt waited for a response but all he got was a beeping on the other end of the line. Their first talk after one year.

Casey just thought about throwing his phone against the nearest wall as it began ringing again, Severide's name showing up on the display. Casey didn't answer and shoved the phone back into his pocket. Until the day Darden died he had always seen the two of them as his family. Severide had always been his closest friend but then Severide had blamed him for Darden's dead. Casey had never fought back even if he was thinking that it was Severide's fault the building hadn't been vented immediately. They never talked about the fact that it was Darden's fault. One of his man had died under his command. He would always blame himself for this.

Matt felt his stomach tightening by thinking about the events of that day. He could still see the last seconds of Darden. He could still see how the flames where eating him up. The image was hunting him every night. He had never talked about it. Not to the Chief, not to Severide, not to anyone. Nobody knew that he had actually seen Darden die. Severide had always been by his side before. As some colleges found out about this mother and giving him a hard time many years ago, Severide had been by his side as well as Darden had. They had spend vacations together, did all the man-things. Camping, Road trip. They where just a great team. Severide had never asked him about his mother. He knew that she was in prison for a long time but he had NEVER asked unwilling questions. He had just told him that he could always tell him if he wanted to.

Casey could tell that he was missing the great time with Severide but with Darden their friendship had died too in a hard and harming way. Casey knew that Serveride was doing his very best right now to get it all back together and had to smile a little.

In his darkest moments Severide was by his side. Again. Without asking any questions.

Casey inhaled deeply before getting his phone out of his pocket again. Maybe they both deserved a second chance with their friendship.  
"Hey. You called?"

"Yeah. Shay is out. Football is on tonight. Want to grab some food and drink a bear while watching the game?"

"Just like old times huh?"

"I…yes. I would like it."

"Me too." Casey had to smile as well as Severide.

"I would love some Indian food."

"Oh so I am organizing food?"

"Absolutely. I have cold beer."

"Me too."

"Yeah but I got a way better flat screen and a really comfortable living room."

"Got it. I will be there in half an hour."

Casey had to smile as Severide entered his house with the take out in his hand.

"Wow. It's great in here." He said and Casey realized how long it had been since their last time together at his home.

"Yeah I can give you a tour later on. I'm starving."

"How's the head?"

"Pounding a little."

"There is a great bruising building on your forehead."

"Really?" Casey asked touching his head before wincing lightly.

"Damn it."

"You got your ass kicked by a woman." "

Start eating. Food is getting cold." Matt shot back grinning as well as Severide.

How they had missed this time.

….to be continued!

I skipped the cliff hanger because I won't update a few weeks...I can promise you some Casey whump if you want to have it?  
Hope you liked this Chapter with Casey Severide bonding and weren't missing the action to much?!


	10. Flashback

I know I said I wouldn't update...your reviews where so great again and everyone was anxious for some Casey whump...so I wrote a quick chapter just to say THANK YOU for all your great reviews. You really made this story special to me!

I really love how long your reviews are...so here we go...

Oh and NO I can't update from the ship... :o)

As I can't always hurt Casey on every call here is my idea of how to give you some nice whump :o)

**Chapter 10 - Flashback**

"Do you remember the last time we watched a game together on your couch?" Severide asked in the half time break.

"No. Should I know?"

"Yeah it was after I got your injured ass out of the hospital while Darden had to stay in."

"I haven't thought about that for a really long time. You dislocated you shoulder while saving es." Casey pointed out thinking back to the day.

**FLASHBACK**

"Okay. Clear the building. Floor is getting unstable." Severide called out before leaving the house together with the rescue team including Darden, Casey, Hermann and Cruz. They had just replaced their breathing apparatus as a woman came running towards them.

Screaming and crying in horror.

"My baby!" She screamed getting Casey to turn around as the woman was stopped by a police officer. "My baby! She is still in there!" She continued to scream.

"Ma'me my name is Lieutanent Casey. Anything I need to know?"

"You have to get her out!"

"Who?"

"My baby."

"How old is she?"

"Six month."

"What?" Casey got ghost pale on her words.

"You are sure your baby is still in the house?"

"Yes. I just left to get some milk." Casey swallowed. He didn't have the time to deal with her right now to ask her why she had left her 6 month old daughter alone. They couldn't waste a second.

"Which apartment?"

"342, third floor. She was in her crib."

"God damn it." Casey cursed before storming to the other fire fighters.

"342 .Baby inside, 6 month old."

"What?" Severide snapped back before looking up to the burning building. The fire was raging inside. "The building is unstable and we defiantly can't go in there.", Cruz said looking back at his Lieutenant.

"I will go in. It's my call." Casey pointed out.

"I'm with you." Severide joined in.

"Hey I won't miss the party here.", Darden spoke up.

"No Darden. Two man in danger are enough.", Casey replied while getting ready again.

"I am not watching you die in there from the outside. We are in this together." Darden said getting his mask back on.

Casey could remember every second. They could only progress slowly. While they crawled over the floor in line he couldn't think of anything else than Halley, about the baby and the fact that he wanted to be a dad on his own so badly.

"Casey to the right." Severide screamed behind him getting Casey to get to his feet slowly in front of the apartment 342. Casey kicked the door in without hesitating searching franticly for the crib together with Darden and Severide.

"I got her!" He heard Severide call out and watched him escape the smoke with the little girl on his arm. "Is she alive?"

"Yeah. We need to get her out of here now." Severide said while they made their way back through the little corridor. Darden was first, Severide with the baby in his arms following close behind, Casey least in the row.

"Way is trapped." They heard Darden call out before coming to a stop.

"Damn it." Casey said looking around for another route.

"We can smack that window and get the baby out on the ladder."

"Good point." Severide agreed while Casey told the team to get the ladder to their location. The window was already broken so they didn't have to think about a backdraft while opening it further.

"Here we go." Severide said as he handed the baby over to Hermann on the ladder.

"Come on. Let's get out of here." He said turning around just to see Casey's shock widened eyes.

"What is…?" was all Severide was able to see before he felt it himself. His head shot up again just to watch the ceiling starting to collapse on them.

"Casey. Darden!", Severide who had been nearly save at his spot screamed out. All he could see was a lot of debris at the spot his two best friends had been standing just seconds before.  
"Casey! Darden!" He continued while stumbling forward. The first thing he spotted was Darden pinned to the ground by what seemed to be a couch from the upper level. Casey nowhere to be found.

"Casey! Call out!" Severide screamed. He could hear his alarm not far away.  
Severide knew that he had to help on after another. He cleared the debris from Darden, relived as he was able to get Darden out completely on is own.

"Kelly what is going on?" Chief Boden's voice echoed to his radio.

"Ceiling collapsed. Darden and Casey are down. I got Darden free couldn't locate Casey."

"Damn it. Should I get your man in?"

"No it's to dangerous! This whole building is about to collapse! Get Hermann back on the ladder. I will get Darden out in a second." Kelly said as he could already see Hermann approach in front of the window. He handed Hermann Darden's lifeless body and watched for a second in shock. He knew that he was breathing and that he would properly be okay.

"Casey!" Severide started again. Without Darden's alarm he was able to locate Casey now. As he got to the spot he recognized where the alarm was coming from but all he could find was a gloved hand. The complete rest of Casey's body covered with debris.

"Casey!" Severide screamed again shifting the debris frantically to the side with his pure hands. He was glad as he was able to see Casey's face. His mask had broken so Severide got his own mask away from his face covering Casey's mouth with it. Severide fumbled for a pulse closing his eyes in pure relief as he found the steady beating on Casey's neck.

"Any news on Casey?" Boden came in through the radio again.

"I found him. He is covered by a lot of debris."

"Are you able to get him out?"

"Yeah I think so." Severide got back screaming in frustration as he got to a really heavy piece of wood. "Come on!" He called out trying again ignoring the pop in his shoulder and the great amount of pain flooding through his body.

The adrenaline in his system was enough to not feel the pain.

"Casey?" Severide asked as he could see his friend shifting lightly before looking into Casey's blue eyes. He could hear Casey wincing in pain even if the mask was on his face. He could see the pain all over his face.

"Try not to move. I will get you free. Tell me what hurts."

"Right side. Arm, Leg." Casey said getting Severide to look down at Casey's right side. He had just cleared the heavy piece of wood off of his side.

Casey moved a little screaming into Severide masked which was still firmly pressed on his head.

"Try not to move!" Severide shouted getting the last debris off of his fallen friend and fellow Lieutenant. "Got it." Severide said before looking back at Casey who had drifted into unconsciousness again.

"Casey. Hey. Can you hear me?" Severide asked slapping Casey cheeks not to lightly.

"I'm good." Casey mumbled in response but Severide couldn't understand what he was saying.

"I will lift you up now. You ready for that?" Severide asked before grabbing Casey. He was glad that the mask muffled the screams of pain from his best friend. Nonetheless Severide had to fight hard to keep it together. He knew that Casey was in pain and all that mattered for him was to get Casey out of this building as soon as possible.

Severide fought back a scream of pain on his own while hurrying to the window with Casey's now completely still form in his arm.

"Hermann careful with his right side. He's hurt.", Severide called out before handing Casey over to Hermann and climbing to the ladder as well.

Shay and Dawson where already waiting on the ground.

"What about Darden?", Severide asked helping Hermann to get Casey to the ground safely.

"Ambulance 53 took him over. They are suspecting possible internal bleeding."

"Damn it." Severide cursed laying Casey onto the stretcher together with Hermann.

"Casey can you hear me?" Dawson tried to get Matt to consciousness again. Severide could tell by one look that she was at edge.

"He was conscious inside for a little while. Told me about pain in his right side. He was covered in debris completely." Severide said through coughs.

"How long did you breath in the smoke? Should I be worried?" Shay asked looking at her friend.

"Not to long. I'm good."

"What happened to you arm?" Shay said alarmed after watching Severide for a minute longer.

"Don't know. Take care of Casey. I'm good."

"Casey?" Severide asked during their ride to the hospital as he recognized Casey's eyelids flattering.

"Can you hear me? Open you eyes buddy!"

"What happened?" Matt asked through his blur looking back and forth between Dawson and Severide. "The ceiling collapsed." Severide said while Matt shot up into a sitting position without any warning getting Dawson and Severide to press him back.

"Darden!" Matt nearly screamed.

"Ambulance is taking him to the hospital as well." Dawson explained.

"How bad?"

"Possible internal bleeding." Matt closed his eyes mentally checking his own body. His right side was on fire but as he could tell by now nothing seemed broken.

Casey and Severide where brought to different examination rooms while Dawson and Shay filled out the paper work.

"I know you will not like to hear it but you do need to inform Haley.", Shay pointed out.

"Yeah thanks for reminding me." Dawson shot back.

"Hey Gabby, Lesley." Haley's voice got to them from the distance.

"Damn it." Dawson cursed before turning around.

"Haley I was just on my way to look for you."

"What? Why?"

"We just brought Matt in."

"What?"

"He is in Trauma room 1." Dawson said watching as Haley stormed into the room wishing for nothing more than switch places with her right now.

"Come on Gabby...maybe some day you will get your chance." Shay said wrapping an arm around her friend.

Soon the waiting room was filled by the members of firehouse 51.

"Thank god!" Shay exhaled as Severide came out of the examination room on his own two legs. His arm was bandaged.

"Dislocated my shoulder." He explained joining the group in the waiting room.

"Lieutenant Casey." A doctor said as he walked into the waiting room getting all the members to stand up.

"We just got the results of the x-rays back. Your Lieutenant was very lucky. No internal bleeding, no broken bones just bruised. We will release him in a few hours."

"Any news on Andy Darden?"

"I'm here with the news for Mister Darden." Another doctor who had just walked into the room announced.

"Mister Darden got a conscious but I am happy that, other than expected, there is no internal bleeding. He should be fine soon."

"Thank good." Severide breathed out. He could remember that he was full of relief after receiving the news, not knowing that just a few weeks after that their whole word was going to change.

They all settled down again while Haley walked in a few minutes later. She was greeted by all of the members of the firehouse.

"Kelly can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure."

"Matt is going to be released I tried everything but I can't change my shift. I have to stay here until late in the evening but I don't want him to be alone."  
"He's not alone."

"Will you take him home and stay with him?"

"Of course. There is a game tonight we can watch."

-End of Flashback-

….to be continued!

I hope you all liked the "little cookie"! Can't wait to read you reviews!


	11. Confession

I am back! The cruise was just so wonderful...I can't believe I am already home again...tomorrow work starts again...and I am freezing! We had 33 degrees on our cruise...now it's -4... :o(

And I got a Jetleg...not one of my favorite things in the world too :o)

Nonetheless I am writing again and so here we go with a brand new update! It's a very angsty one. I hope to get some of your great comments to read what you are thinking. Have fun!

**Chapter 11 - Confession**

"Are you okay?" Severide asked as he watched Casey's expression concerned.

"Yeah...I just...thinking about Darden isn't always that easy." Casey said while trying his best to focus on something else.

"I don't think it is okay to never talk about him either."

"I watched him die." Casey said silently out of nowhere watching as Severides eyes widened.

"What?"

"On that day...I watched him die."

"What are you talking about?" Severide could feel his body tensing as he could see Casey's blue eyes water.

"I was standing on the ladder and he wasn't that far away from me. I looked him straight into the eyes as he recognized that he was about to die. We both knew it in this second. I was just standing there on the ladder watching as the flames rushed over his body. I watched him die. I looked him straight into the eyes." Casey cried out getting Severide to just stare back at him.

Casey couldn't stand the memory any longer and jumped up from his couch looking around frantically just to end up on his knees in his kitchen throwing up violently into his trash cane. Severide had followed close behind and watched in misery as his best friend got everything out of his system.

As Casey finished he looked up at Severide who was still standing in the door frame, arms crossed. His face was not giving away what he was thinking. His expression was just blank but he was pale as a ghost. Casey whipped away the tears from his face angrily. How could he just loose control like this? Again?

"Why haven't you told me before? Have you talked to anyone about it?"  
"Kelly we have barely talked since that day. How should I have told you? You didn't miss a second to blame me for Andy's death. Not a single second. I just accepted it because I was blaming myself and I still am. He died under my command. I will never forgive myself."

"It wasn't your fault!"

"Yes it was and it was your fault too. We all screwed up badly that day. Darden payed the price for the mood we had been in that day. We weren't concentrated and the three off us screwed up."

"Maybe you are right but how couldn't you talk about what you saw that day? You watched our best friend die. It's nothing you can get through on your own!"

"I lost Darden and with him I lost you, you blamed me in front of everyone for the death of our best friend, I lost Haley not long after, I have a mother who is sitting in jail since 15 years for murdering my father, I have a sister who isn't even talking to me so damn you Severide, to who should I have talked about it? Chief Boden so he could set me on leave or send me to a psychologist? One of my man? There was nobody!" Casey screamed at Severide while he was still sitting on the floor, tears screaming down his face.

Severide rubbed his hand over his face and inhaled deeply.

"I didn't know that." He said and wasn't sure what he meant himself. The fact that Casey had watched Darden die, the fact that he had blamed Casey, the fact that he hadn't recognized how Casey and his whole life had fallen apart during the last month, the fact that his mother was in jail for murdering his own father, Severide was shocked.

He stumbled forward and dropped to the floor beside Casey giving his shoulder a firm squeeze.

"I didn't know anything of that and I am sorry." Severide said truthfully while the two of them remained sitting on the floor, Casey crying silently with Severide rubbing circles on his back to calm him down, to show him support, to just be there for him now like he had been supposed to be during the whole time.

Casey was first to find his voice back.

"We will never talk about this day again okay?" He asked before getting up and brushing the tears off of his face forthfully.

"Okay." Severide answered getting up as well.

"So I think the game is over."

"Yeah."

"See you on shift in a few hours?"

"I have one more question before we call this day over and pretend that it never happened. Maybe it's two questions."

"Spill it."

"Why did you got the panic attack and are you going to get yourself help?"

"I don't need help."

"Everyone would need help after the things you have been through."

"I got the panic attack because I was stuck in a dark elevator with no orientation and nothing I could do about the situation. On the evening my mother shot my father the two of them where fighting pretty badly. I know they where fighting about me. Because I was weak, because I was emotional. I wanted to get to Christie but they where blocking my way. I was so afraid I got into the cabinet under the staircase. It was completely dark in there and I didn't know that there was no door handle from the inside. I heard the shot and for hours I didn't know which parent I just lost. I couldn't even think about the fact that I lost both of my parents because one of them was dead and the other one had to spent years in jail. They found me hours later. In that elevator it was just like in the cabinet and everything came through. That is what happened."  
"Damn Casey...I don't know what to say..."

"Than just say nothing. I am good. I arranged myself with everything that happened 15 years ago."

"Can you forgive me for being such a stubborn ass?"

"You grieved, you did it your own way. You needed someone to blame and it was obvious that I was the one you could blame for his dead."

"Yeah but it wasn't right and I am sorry! I am so sorry!"

"I know you are and now forget about it. See you on shift tomorrow."

"Yeah."

During the night neither Severide nor Casey got too much sleep. Casey blamed himself for breaking down in front of Severide and Severide couldn't get to sleep because he was beyond worried. He blamed himself for treating Casey that way and for not recognizing how his friend was suffering but most of all he was afraid that Casey was refusing to get himself help.

As Severide entered the firehouse the next morning Casey was already dressed and getting coffee. Just yesterday Severide had noticed that Casey was always pale and looking unhealthy. He had lost weight during the last month.

"Good morning. Get me a cup I'm just getting dressed!" Severide shouted over to Matt who waved in response to show Severide he had understood.

Casey just handed Severide his cup as Mills walked in followed by Gabriela just 3 minutes after. Casey inhaled deeply as she greeted him getting a sidelook from Severide.

Gabby.

He had just forgotten about Casey and Gabby. Damn how much more could Casey manage?

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Squad 3. House fire."

"Here we go again!" Severide shouted while heading to his truck as well as Casey.

**-Spoilers for 1x16- (but different) following...**

"Cruz, Ottis, get the ladders!" Casey screamed as he watched the family on the second floor waving towards them.  
"The staircase is on fire! We can't get down." The man screamed down towards them.

"Stay put. We are on our way up. Just one more second." Casey returned.

"Mills on the second ladder. Let's get them down here safely."

Just as they got down again with the family one of the kids screamed for the family dog. Casey turned around just to see Mills heading up the stairs again.

"Mills. Get down here now!" Casey screamed out but got no reaction from his candidate.

"Mills!" He screamed again before heading up the ladder as well. As he got to the window Mills had already climbed inside. Casey didn't wait a minute. As soon as he got inside as well he grabbed Mills jacket and pulled him back angrily.

"What do you think you are doing?" Casey screamed at him. His voice mumbled by the mask.

"There s a dog inside."

"Since when are we risking our life for saving a dog? Get out of here now!" Casey shouted again just as the floor underneath them began to buckle.

"Out! NOW!" He said while Mills hopped onto the ladder grabbing Casey just in time as the floor gave in.

"Lieutenant!" Mills screamed grabbing onto Caseys Jacket for dear life. He was glad that Hermann had climbed down the second ladder and helped him to get Casey back up so the three of them made their way down to the ground safely.

"Peter! Are you hurt?" Gabriela asked as soon as Mills had turned around.

"No. I am good."

"Casey what about you?" Gabriela continued while she could see the anger inside Matt's eyes.

"What the hell where you thinking?" He screamed getting in front of Mills with only two steps shoving Mills backwards not to lightly.

"Casey!" Gabriela called out while trying to get a hold of the Lieutenant.

"This will never happen again. Did I make myself clear. It was an order to stand down and you will listen to my orders!" Casey continued to scream.

"But Lieutenant I thought..."

"What? You thought what? Do you know what I think...that you weren't even thinking just a second. We both could have died in there. For what? For saving a dog? We are not invincible Mills! Should I tell you what happened the last time one of my man didn't listen and just went into a burning building? He died! He burned to death right in front of my eyes and I will never let that happen again you understand me?" "Yes Lieutenant."

"You will stay at the firehouse for the next weeks."

"But Lieutenant!"

"Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes Lieutenant."

"Casey!" Gabriela tried to stop Casey who was heading to the truck in pure anger.

"Casey! Wait!"

"What?" He asked while turning around still angry.

"You are bleeding!" Gabriela said worried getting Casey to follow her gaze and look down at his hand. Now he could feel the pain himself. Gabriela reached for his arm getting Casey to pull it back again.

"Let me have a look on that."

"It's just a scratch."

"I would love to see that on my own." Casey exhaled deeply before stretching his arm out.

"I need to patch it up."

"Not necessary. Go and get some sense into your boyfriends hero behavior."

"I think you made your point pretty clear...Lieutenant." Gabriela shot back, adding the Lieutenant full of sarcasm.

"Fine."

"Nonetheless this needs to be treated!"

"Shay can you get to the ambulance. Casey needs to be patched up!" Gabriela spoke into her radio before heading towards Mills leaving Casey all alone on the spot.

…**.to be continued!**

SOOOOO...let me know what you are thinking. Anyone seen the promo for 1x18...can't wait. What do you think who is saving Casey? MILLS? Would be great stuff! :o)

_Oh by the way new ideas are always welcome! Just add them to your comments if you have wishes!_


	12. Exit Wounds

Truly guys you are SO AMAZING! Thanks for all your great reviews!  
I have got some great news: I got a Tablet yesterday and so I can get online during my ride in the train or at work sometimes which means A WHOLE LOT MORE POSSIBILITIES TO UPDATE! ;o)

So I asked for your ideas and wishes last time. I will have yours in mind Palada (Tension between Dawson and Casey because of Mills) and of course there will be a whole lot more Casey/Severide friendship.

Undergroundirector: I think I wrote the answer to the question in your review up in this Chapter. Thanks to you :o)

Any more wishes / ideas etc. write them down….I will see what I can do for you :o)

So now I hope you like the new chapter and I can't wait to read your reviews (I know as always….but I truly LOVE them all!)

Because I am so glad about your reviews this chapter is even longer than the others...just as a little "cookie" and a big THANK YOU!

**Chapter 12 –Exit wounds**

Back in the firehouse Casey was still way to angry. He knew that he needed to calm down but with Mills getting into superhero mood today and after the talk with Severide yesterday he couldn't help but thinking about Darden, about the call he had lost him. His arm was pounding too. Shay had fixed him up but he had refused to take something against the pain the cut was causing him. He knew that it was crazy but he needed the pain right now. He liked to feel it. It kept him grounded. Kept him from losing it. Again.

"Casey to my office." Chief Boden called out.

"Chief I had to knock some sense into Mills." Casey said defeating himself as soon as he had walked into Boden's office.

"I know and I just wanted to say that you did good today." Casey crinkled his brows in return. He hadn't expected to hear this word from the Chief.

"You and Severide, you are both Lieutenants but the way you are leading your teams is completely different. You did good today by showing Mills that you are the Lieutenant and I think it was important for the rest of your team too to see the Lieutenant Casey you can get when things are not smoothly. They can trust you as a friend, they can trust you as a Lieutenant. You have a great way to guide your Team Matt, don't ever doubt yourself."

"Thanks Chief."

"No thanks to you for leading the truck like that."

Chief Boden exhaled deeply after Casey had walked out of his office. The way he had talked about Darden today, the way he had nearly lost it...Chief Boden had watched Casey since the day Darden had died. He had been falling apart right in front of everyone's eyes but Casey was Casey. He was hiding it perfectly. Even if he was loosing weight, even if he was even calmer then normal, he was professional as always but today had shown Boden that he was mostly afraid of losing a team member again. Boden knew that Casey was full of doubts especially since Darden had died under his command. He had seen Casey struggle but he had never seen his performance slip and that was what mattered to him in the position of the Chief. In the position of a friend, maybe of a fatherly figure he was just worried and he knew that Severide was too.

Casey felt like he was carrying a stone on his shoulders as he walked back into his office. He couldn't think of anything else than the image of Darden in the flames together with Mills just climbing into that building today. The parole hearing for his mother wasn't that far away and he knew that he had to talk to her. Normally he visited her once a month in prison. Now he had to go earlier to talk to her. He had to get himself straight. He had to think about speaking at the parole hearing. It was just too much. He watched Gabriela talking to Mills out of his office window and turned away as soon as he had spotted them. He was alone and he would be alone.

As Casey arrived home he was beyond exhausted. Again he had a massage. It was his mother asking about his opinion on the parole hearing, bagging him to speak for her. Casey just deleted the message and got a bottle of vodka out of his fridge. He knew that he had to stop doing this, that he had to stop behaving like this. He had been strong all those years, he had kept it together, there was no reason to fall apart like this. Casey dropped to his couch and emptied the first glass in one large gulp. The liquid was burning in his troth. The image of Darden was hunting him so badly since seeing Mills slipping through the window without listening to his orders for just one second.

Casey emptied another two glasses before taking the bandage Shay had patched on his arm off. He looked down at the cut and went to the kitchen automatically. He grabbed on of his knifes and pressed it against the cut. Matt realized slowly what he had just done as blood began to pure out of the new fresh wound a few inches above the cut from the call.

Casey cursed before rolling a towel around his arm. What the hell was he thinking and what the hell was he doing? Casey felt dizzy and found hold on the kitchen counter. He looked down at the towel which was already coloring red with his blood.

"What have I done?" Casey asked trying to collect himself. He had to clean the wound and stop the bleeding. Slowly he made his way upstairs to his bathroom where his first aid kid was stored and tried his best to clean the mess up. The cut was way to large and to deep and it was bleeding terribly. Casey knew that he needed stitches but with stitches he wouldn't be able to work for at least two weeks and that was nothing he could face right now so he just bandaged his arm hoping that the bleeding would stop.

Casey exhaled deeply looking down at the knife as he got back to the kitchen. What the hell had he done?

As he walked into the firehouse the next morning Casey could only hope that he wouldn't need his arm that much. The wound was still bleeding and he was in pain.  
Casey greeted his team and tried his best to let them think that he was in his usual mood.

"Good morning Lieutenant. Can I talk to you about yesterday?" Mills asked after knocking on his office door.

"There is nothing to talk about."

"But Lieutenant..."

"Mills there isn't going to be a conversation over what happened. I said everything I had to say yesterday on scene and you will remain in the firehouse as long as I say understand?"

"Yes."

"So. Today you can start to clean up the locker rooms and think about what happened yesterday."

"Yes Lieutenant."

Matt exhaled deeply as he watched Mills leave. He hated to be like that. He hated to push people around but he knew that it was the right way.

Casey was glad as he made it home the next morning. His arm had finally stopped bleeding during the previous day but had started again during their hell of a night shift.  
Casey dropped to the couch and closed his eyes just for a second before getting up again to visit his mother in jail.

Casey got the normal procedure done and was surprised to see a visitor already sitting with his mother as he entered the secured room.

"Matt!" His mother said smiling brightly before giving her son a quick kiss to the cheek. It was all they where allowed to do.

"Hey can I introduce you to Robert, he is a friend of mine. Robert, this is my son Mathew." "Hey Robert. Nice to meet you." Casey said shaking the hand of the stranger before sitting down opposite to his mother and her so called friend.

He had never heard his mother talking about this Robert before.  
"Robert is here because I have my parole hearing soon."

"I know buy may I ask what your position in this hearing is Robert? Normally only family is invited."

"Yeah that's right and it's still like that."

"But?"

"But your mother told me everything and during her description of the events there is something we can use for her parole hearing."

"Robert no stop!" Nancy said getting a questioned look from her son in return.

"Nancy it is important. During all this time it was never mentioned that you left your key at the kitchen table." Robert pointed out.

"Oh come on. What?" Casey said and Nancy could tell that he was deeply hurt.

"Robert no!"

"It's important! If you hadn't left the key on the table then…."

"Then what? Then my mother couldn't have walked straight to dad's place to shoot him? Don't you think I haven't blamed myself enough for that?" Casey nearly screamed with tear filled eyes before getting to his feet again.

"I'm done here."

"No Matt! Please wait! Mathew!" His mother begged but Casey didn't stop for a second. He had to get out of this place. He had to get fresh air. He had to breath again.

Matt hurried out of the building as fast as possible inhaling deeply as he stepped outside. He had to fight hard to keep his tears at bay. In all those years he had never stopped blaming himself for leaving the key on the table that evening. He was the one that gave his mother the opportunity to catch his father off guard and shoot him. Christie had at first tried to convince him that Nancy would have found a way to shot their father even without the key but Matt had always known deep down inside of him that she was blaming him too.

As Casey walked into his house again he couldn't even imagine the drive home. He only knew that he had made it home safely and that was all that mattered.

Casey didn't waste much time before packing his sports bag. He hadn't got much sleep during the last night. It had been a busy one but he needed to get the anger out of his system right now. He needed to focus on something different. Casey lifted the heavy sports bag with his injured arm and moaned in pain but continued to carry his bag with his bad arm. The pain was feeling good right now. At least it was a different pain than the guilt he was feeling, the guilt he was feeling for 15 years but now stronger than ever.

"Morning." Casey greeted shortly as he walked into the kitchen area of firehouse 51 the next morning. He felt miserable. He had overdone himself yesterday. He had powered his body until the point of pure exhaustion so he had to rest at the gym before he could even think about driving home again. He had overpowered himself so badly that he had thrown up several times in the evening. Today he felt exhausted and every muscle in his body was acing. His arm had started bleeding again due to the workout and Matt knew that he needed stitches but he knew that he couldn't just walk to Dawson so she could fix him back together. These times where gone now.

"Morning sunshine. Are you alright? You look like hell." Severide said as he peeked into Casey's office.

"Yeah. Didn't sleep well."

"You kidding me? I slept like a baby after the great night shift we had. Tried to call you several times yesterday."

"I recognized that but I was busy."

"What where you up to?"

"Constructing."

"Great. Where? Some new projects?"

"Kelly what is it? Are we playing question and answer here?"

"Woah okay I get it! You are not in the talkative mood today, indeed you are in a pretty pretty bad mood today."

"Something else?"

"Don't know. Something you wanna tell me?"

"No."

"Okay. You coming over for breakfast? Mills is fulfilling miracles in the kitchen again."

"The great Mills."

"Man it's your own business how to run your team but I think you need to talk to him. He looks like a wounded puppy right now."

"As you said none of your business. Anything else?"

"Okay I'm begging off." Severide said getting his arms up in defeat before closing the door to Casey's office again.

He had never seen Casey like that. No that wasn't right. He had never recognized Casey being this miserable. He had always closed his eyes when his friend was obviously feeling not too good. Today he had recognized it as soon as Casey had walked into the firehouse. He was later than normal. He wasn't up for a joke. He hadn't greeted his team properly like he usually did in the morning. He hadn't asked Hermann for any new big deals he had going on. A joke Casey and Hermann practiced since Hermanns big water investment debacle.

He had seen the purple circles underneath Casey's swollen eyes. He had recognized that he looked beyond exhausted even if he was just walking into the firehouse at the morning and he had recognized that Casey had to be in pain due to the fact how he was moving and how he was carrying his bag. Something was really off and after talking to Casey he was more than sure that he got the signs right.

"Lieutenant can I talk to you?" Mills asked as soon as he spotted Casey who made his way out off his office to head for the restroom. He had to bandage his arm again. It was bleeding badly.

Again.

"About what?"

"You haven't told me what to do today."

"Oh don't be afraid I will."

"So I am not back on the truck?"

"I didn't remember telling you so." Casey just said before heading towards the restroom.

"Do you think he hates me that much because of you?" Mills asked facing Dawson who had just been standing a few feet away but without Casey recognizing her.

"No. I think there is something else going on." Gabriela said while watching the spot Casey had just been standing seconds ago.

See breathed in heavily giving Mills her brightest smile even if she was faking it. Peter was a great guy. Maybe he was even better than she had ever imagined the guy of her dreams would be but deep down inside she couldn't deny the fact that she was caring for Casey, that she was deeply caring for him. She still couldn't believe that she had lost him. Lost his friendship, lost him by his side but at the same time she hadn't lost her feelings for him. Today she had recognized how worried she was because of his appearance but what had really gotten to her was the fact that she had been worried sick yesterday as Peter and Matt where in the building together. She had tried the whole night long to convince herself that she had been deeply worried for Peter but deep down inside she knew that she had worried about Casey a lot more.

"Something wrong?" Mills brought her out of her thoughts.

"No! Let's get some coffee. I'm tired." Gabby said walking back to the main area with Mills. She knew that she had to come clean with herself. Mills didn't deserve to get hurt any more.

"Severide what's wrong with Casey today? Didn't even get one lame joke." Hermann said as he passed Severide.

"Don't know ." Severide gave back while the alarm started.

Casey widened his eyes as he heard the familiar voice over the speakers.

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Elevator accident."

"Damn it." Casey cursed. This was the last thing he needed today. He knew that especially on this call he had to show his team that he was alright, that he was keeping himself together after everything he had been through the last time he was inside an elevator and his guys had to save him. He knew that he couldn't show any weakness on this call if he wanted the respect of his team

….to be continued!

Come on! Let me know what you think!


	13. Professional

Hey everyone!

On one side I wanted to wait until I get a few more reviews...on the other side I didn't want to let my lovely reviewers wait any longer...so I finally decided to update! :o)

Thanks to all of you and have fun with the new chapter and OH one little IMPORTANT thing (important for me ;o) )

I have to attend a conference from Wednesday to Monday and I will not get the opportunity to watch the new episode and that is giving me a really hard time because I really want to know if Casey is alright and who saved him. So maybe somebody...anybody...of my wonderful readers and reviewers will think about me after watching the episode and sent me a quick PM?! PLEASE! :o) I just want to know: 1. Is Casey alright 2. Any Dawson near a (maybe hurt) Casey 3. Who saved him... :o) Maybe I got a little bit addicted to this TV Show...maybe... :o)

So now have fun with the new chapter! It's not that long but I hope you like it!

**Chapter 13 – Professional**

"What do we got?" Casey asked as soon as they entered the building. His face was not giving away any emotions, he was just fully concentrated on the job. He was a Lieutenant, he was a professional and damn he would do this job just perfect!

"We had trouble with our elevators the whole week. The technicians checked them over. Normally we blocked them for public but one of them got into motion. People must have thought they where all clear again. The left one crashed." The security chief explained completely stressed.

"Crashed?"

"Yeah."

Casey hurried to the elevator shaft shining his flashlight down into the shaft.

"How much people are inside?" He asked while looking down on the crashed little box maybe 6 meters underneath him at the end of the elevator shaft.

"We don't know that."

"Did you hear anything?"

"No." The security chief answered truthfully. Casey motioned his team to be silent.

"This is the Chicago Fire Department. Anyone down there? Call out!" Casey screamed down loudly and listened carefully before he could hear a muffled knocking.

"We are coming down to you!" Casey replied turning around.

"Hermann, Cruz on the lifeline. I'm going down." Casey said getting the harness around his legs without hesitating.

"Lieutenant I can go down too." Hermann offered watching his Lieutenant carefully. Normally he was always sure that Casey got it covered but he was there first after Severide as Casey was rescued from the elevator and he knew that he would never forget this image.

Casey looked up at Hermann who was already prepared to get snapped at.

"Thanks." Casey replied to his surprise. "But I got this."

Gabriela watched with concern as Casey leaned back into the shaft and gestured Cruz and Hermann that he was going down. She could see the fear in his eyes. He wasn't okay even if he wanted them all to believe that.

"Coming down." She heard him call out.

"Be save." She whispered full of concern.

Casey inhaled deeply. His hands where sweating inside the gloves. He felt stressed and indeed he could feel the angst but what he could feel most was the intense pain in his arm, the pain in his whole body. Holding onto the lifeline wasn't helping his injured and still bleeding arm at all. He could only hope that he had bandaged it well enough.

"Hello. Anyone down here? Can you hear me?" Casey asked trying not to focus on the darkness inside the elevator shaft. He concentrated on the little light from his flashlight and could feel that he was calming down slowly. Hermann and Cruz had him covered. If it was all to much he just needed to call out so they could get him up. He could fight the darkness with his flashlight and he had the light coming down from where he got inside the shaft. Everything was okay.

He was save.

Casey opened the little entrance on top of the elevator and peered down into the small and crashed cabin shocked at what he saw. There where two people trapped inside. One younger and one older male.

"Can you hear me?" Casey asked shining his flashlight in the younger mans face.

"My dad. He is not answering." The younger man, around 15, pleaded.

"I will come down to check on you both. What about you? Are you hurt?" Casey keep talking while freeing himself from the lifeline to get inside faster.

"Think I got a broken arm, broken ribs."

"Okay we will take care of that."

"Lieutenant get back on the line." He heard Cruz call from above.

"We got two male persons down here." Casey said through his radio in return while jumping into the cabin pulling the line downside with him. He turned to the older man, maybe the age of his father as he was shoot, and gulped. The older man was staring back at him with lifeless eyes. Casey fumbled for a pulse before closing his eyes for a second.

"Hey, what's your name?" Casey asked while turning around towards the boy.

"Noah."

"Noah I am Lieutenant Casey but you can call me Matt. We will get you up now."

"No! What's going on with my father?"

"I will go down as soon as we got you up I promise."

"Is he okay? Why isn't he talking? Dad?"

"Noah look I will take care of him, okay? Now we have to do one step after another and so we will get you up first." Casey said getting the neck brace he had brought down with him around Noah's neck to stabilize him.

"Can you breath properly?" Casey continued to ask while searching for further wounds or broken bones before getting the second harness around Noah and attaching it to his own.  
"Listen to me. We will go up together. I got you okay? You have to trust me. Please do not move let me do the work." Casey said before pulling on the line as a sign to pull them up.

"No! I will not go up there. No! My father!" Noah panicked out of nowhere after they got out of the small cabin and into the elevator shaft.

"Noah stop moving. You have to keep still." Casey struggled while bouncing against the side of the shaft uncontrollably due to Noah's quick movement. Casey turned Noah's body away from the quickly nearing wall so he could soften the impact for Noah's body and prevent him from getting hurt any further.

"Casey!" Gabriela shouted down into the dark shaft after hearing the crash and Casey's muffled scream.

She watched helpless how the other man from the truck tried their best to pull Casey and the struggling boy up.

Matt could feel the pain in his shoulder but that was nothing he worried about. He had given his best to prevent Noah from crashing against the wall so his injured arm had crashed into the wall with full force.

"Casey are you alright? Call out!" He could hear Dawson's voice from above. His mind snapped back to their time in the elevator. They where so close. Here big hazel brown eyes. Mills.

"Casey!" He heard Mouch call out as well while shaking his head lightly. Noah had stopped moving and was now crying silent tears into his chest slowly recognizing that his father wouldn't make it out of the small cabin alive.

"Get us up!" Casey replied glad as he could see the faces of his team clearly. Otis and Cruz took the boy out of his arms while Hermann helped him out of the elevator shaft.

"I need to go down again." Casey said following Hermann's eyes to his injured arm now feeling the warm liquid flooding down his hand.

"You're bleeding." Hermann pointed out.

"Casey are you alright?" Gabby questioned at the same time while taking care of the boy together with Shay.

"I'm fine." Casey replied shortly getting to his feet again.

"Let me go down Lieutenant." Hermann said looking Casey directly into his blue eyes.

"It's a body down there."

"Nothing I haven't seen before right?"

"Right."

"Come on. Your arm needs to be attended." Hermann added while watching the blood still making it's way over Casey's hand to the ground. Casey followed Hermann's eyes again and inhaled deeply before freeing himself from the harness with the help of Cruz.

"Thanks." He said after watching Hermann getting secured properly.

"Let me have a look at your arm." Gabriela said immediately as she spotted Casey.

"No need for that. It's just the little cut Shay had patched up yesterday. I banged my arm on the elevator shaft. I will get it fixed."

"You sure about it?"

"Yeah."

Dawson watched Casey for a second longer before she hurried towards Shay. They had to bring the boy to the hospital quickly.  
Back in the firehouse Casey got to the restroom and looked at the huge amount of blood on his bandage.

"Damn it." He cursed while getting it fixed freshly. He knew that he was loosing to much blood. He knew that he had to do something. Anything.

Casey got back to his office and was glad as he could sit down again. He could see one missed call on his cell phone and a message from his voice mail.  
Casey listened carefully to the unknown voice.  
"Mister Casey this is Andrew Darring. I just wanted to let you know that we had to reschedule the parole hearing for Nancy Casey, your mother. It will be tomorrow at about 10.30. Please give us a call to let us know if you are able to come."

Casey exhaled deeply before smashing his hand hardly onto his table. This was the last thing he needed right now. He had to think. He had to come clear with himself. Should he speak for his mother, should he speak against his mother, should he speak at all?

….to be continued!


	14. Blood and pressure

Hey you all!

Just a quick update from my tablet to see if it's working and to give you something to read after this long time. Hope you will enjoy it even if it's not much. Got no time during the conference but now I am heading home in the train.

Chapter 14 - Blood and pressure

"Heard you did a great job in that elevator shaft." Severide said getting Matt to nearly jump out off his chair. He hadn't heard the door, he had just been way to deep in his thoughts. The funeral of his dad, the day at the court where he had to answer questions about his mother, about his parents, about his dead father, about his childhood. It had been on of the terrifying days he had ever been through. The day he heard that his mother convinced she had killed his dad. He had known it but hearing her say it with such a cold voice was more than he could take. He still had the sound of her voice in his mind. He still could see her eyes full of hate.

"Wow...I'm sorry. Didn't mean to get you a heart attack." Severide pointed out while Casey looked up at him. Little spots where dancing in front of his eyes. He felt tired, cold and just awful.  
"What did you say?"  
"Did a great job at the elevator."  
"Yeah thanks."  
"Hey. Casey how is the arm?" Dawson asked showing up behind Severide.

"All good."

"What about the arm?" Severide asked looking at Dawson before looking back at Casey.  
"Remember the cut I got while saving Mill's ass? Got banged up during the call and was bleeding a little. Nothing serious."  
"Hermann said it was a lot of blood.", Dawson pointed out.  
"Yeah Hermann." Casey replied while faking a smile.

"Dinner is ready!" Mills called out and prevented Casey from more questions.  
"I'm starving." Severide replied turning around to head to the kitchen right after Dawson.  
"You coming?" He asked turning around to Casey again. Casey watched Severide for a second. He hadn't eaten in days. The food he had shared with Severide had made his way directly into the trash cane but right now he wasn't feeling up to it anyway.

"Have to finish this up. Maybe later." He said before turning his gaze back towards the computer screen.

Casey couldn't fight back the images that where hunting him while he tried his best to sort things out for the parole hearing. His time after the shooting where he got to know how cruel all the other teenagers around him could be. He remembered not eating properly, not sleeping for days. He was beyond miserable but he always had refused talking to anyone about it. About what had happened, about the feelings he had felt.

"Casey, come on. You have to at least grab a bite. It's delicious." Severide tried again interrupting Casey in his darkest thoughts for the second time.  
"I said I am not hungry."  
"I know but think about the night shift. What's the first rule? Eat when you have time to, you don't know when you will get your next break." Severide pointed out looking at Casey with worried eyes.  
"Can't you just leave me alone? I really need to finish this up."  
"Do I need to point out that your computer screen is black? So couldn't be that much you have typed for the last minutes right?" Casey exhaled deeply.  
"Come on. Your team is already asking questions. They are worried about you."

"There is no need for that." Casey replied while getting to his feet way to quickly his blood pressure getting his vision to come from flying sparks to a completely black out.

"Hey!" Severide called out while reaching out for his crashing friend watching in shock as Casey began to crumble to the floor.  
"I got you." He said holding onto Casey's body. Casey inhaled deeply, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. He felt completely dizzy.  
"Talk to me! Casey!" Severide pleaded still pressing Matt against his desk so he didn't crash to the floor.  
"I'm good." Casey said after a few more seconds pressing his legs on the ground firmly and looking at Severide.  
"You sure?" Severide asked full of concern.  
"I'm sure."  
"Come on. We will get you to your couch. I will get Dawson and Shay."  
"Severide I am fine."  
"No you are not! You nearly passed out on me." Severide said watching full of concern as Casey lowered his shaking frame back onto his chair.  
"Didn't eat and drink enough."  
"Really?"  
"I got some things going on."  
"What things?"  
"My mom's parole hearing is tomorrow. I just had to think about some things. Just...I am fine okay?"  
"I don't think you are."  
"Can you get me a glass of water or maybe a glass of coke? Should help with the blood pressure." Casey asked closing his eyes again due to the dizziness.  
"Yeah. Just...don't pass out again." Severide said while hurrying towards the kitchen area.

"Everything alright?" Dawson asked as Severide nearly shoved her away from the fridge.  
"Can you get some medical equipment without the other guys recognizing?"  
"Sure. What's going on?"  
"Casey." Severide just said while hurrying towards Casey's office with the coke in his hands. Severide watched Casey's empty chair with a frown and headed towards the restroom where he could hear the sound of his friend throwing up heavily.  
"Casey?" He said opening the not locked door and helping his friend back onto his unstable feet.  
"I need a few minutes."  
"No. Come on. We will get you to your office." Severide said grabbing onto Casey's still shaking frame. He kew that Casey couldn't keep standing any longer.

Dawson widened her eyes as she spotted Severide holding onto Casey.  
"What's going on?" She asked grabbing Casey's other arm and helping him back to his office. Severide got the blends down and locked the door while Casey closed his eyes as he was finally laying down on the couch.

"I told you I am fine!" He pointed out one last time before he could feel Dawson's warm hand on his neck checking for his pulse. He didn't even have enough strength left to fight against her even if it was nearly killing him to feel her this close.  
"I just need something to drink and something to eat. My blood pressure is down." Casey pointed out while Dawson was already checking his blood pressure. Casey was more than relieved that his good arm was pointing towards her.

"Casey!" She said while watching the numbers on her little screen.  
"Due to your blood pressure it's a miracle you are still responsible!" She said before preparing an IV.

"What are you doing?", Casey asked with a frown.  
"Getting you hocked up to an IV. You will not stay conscious without this."  
"You can't attach me to an IV. If the Chief recognizes...isn't their something else you can give me?"  
"Yeah there is but it's pretty strong!"  
"I don't care. Just get me back to normal again quickly." Dawson inhaled deeply before preparing an injection.  
"When was the last time you ate?" Dawson asked.

"I don't a few days ago? I don't feel hungry at the moment. Got some things going on."

"Wanna talk about it?" Casey just shook his head before closing his eyes. The little lights had started dancing again and he felt tired. Tired and exhausted. The darkness that offered to take him in felt more than welcome, "Casey keep talking to me!" Dawson said wile rubbing the point she had just given Casey the injection.

"Matt!" she said again louder rubbing against Casey's sternum. As a response Casey mumbled something she couldn't understand.

"Hey!You have to stay with me." Dawson said getting Severide who had stood at the door to move towards them. She could see that he was deeply worried.

"We should take you to the hospital." Severide said watching Casey struggle to stay awake or at least responsible.  
"I'm fine...just...just give me a second."

"Dawson how long until the injection will show if it's working?"Severide asked. The heavy frown made him look old. Old and tired.

"Maybe another five minutes."

"How could you not eat for days? God dammit Casey what kind of suicide mission are you on?" Severide nearly yelled. Casey could hear the frustration in his voice while Dawson could see the pure sorrow. Severide was worried and damn she was worried too. She didn't know what was going on but she had recognized Casey was faling apart slowly. He knew that he needed her.

...to be continued

Not quite happy with this one, still hope you like it!


	15. Going down

Hey everyone!

Thank you so much for all of your great reviews and for taking away my doubts...I am so glad you liked the chapter :o)

I would love to write a personal comment to all of you but I have so much going around right now that I spend all the time left writing to get you a (hopefully good) update. I am very sorry...I will get back to all of you as soon as I have some little time left...SORRY!

I have got a question (**don't read if you haven't watched episode 1x19 and don't want to be spoilered**): in the promo there was a scene where a gun was pointing at Casey and a shot fired...did I miss something in last night's episode? I haven't seen any of it in the episode?!

Nonetheless I really liked it. Severide was such an …. Did you recognize how depressed Casey was looking...how he risks his life talking to the dealers...damn...

I rewatched a few episodes from the beginning. We had a smiling, joking and laughing Casey...during the last episodes he was always so...dark...don't know how to explain it. Did you recognize this change too?

Before my thoughts keep going...here is the new chapter!

**Chapter 15 – Going down**

Severide had turned around after snapping at his weak friend like this. Now he was just sitting on Casey's chair staring at Casey while he seemed to be deeply in thoughts.

"How are you feeling?" Dawson asked several minutes later after controlling Casey's blood pressure again.

"Better."

"Are you sure all of this is because of you not eating and drinking well?"

"Yeah...why?" Casey asked recognizing the suspicious tone in Dawson's voice.

"Because the vitals are still pretty low. Casey what about getting you to the hospital to get you checked?"

"No!"

"Don't be a coward Casey!" Severide pointed out.

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Car accident." The alarm interrupted their conversation.

"I'm covering you. Just...head home, get some rest. You will need your energy tomorrow." Severide said while helping Dawson with the medical stuff she had brought for Casey.

"I'm fine!" Casey tried while sitting up slowly.

"Don't even think about arguing right now!" Severide screamed at him loudly getting Casey to look back at him but Severide was already heading towards the door. There was no room for discussions right now.

"Where the hell is Casey?" Boden asked looking at the medical equipment in Dawson's and Severide's hands.

"Chief Casey is sick and heading home. I will cover him up." Severide replied while taking Casey's position in the truck.

"Severide?" Hermann asked with a frown.

"Casey is sick." Severide answered quickly.

"His arm?"

"What is it with his arm?" Cruz interrupted.

"He was bleeding pretty badly." Hermann explained while Severide made a mental note to check on that. In all the panic nobody had even thought about that.

Casey still felt miserable as he got to his feet to head home. Even with the injection he had to hold onto the door frame for a second before he could walk the way to his truck. Casey knew that he was in no shape to drive but he also knew that he needed his truck tomorrow. The parole hearing. He defiantly needed to go home. He defiantly needed rest and he definitely needed to sort some major things out.

Casey tried his best to unlock the door with his trembling hands, holding onto the car for support.

"Lieutenant?' Mills asked concerned. He had watched Casey for several minutes. Even if he didn't know what was going on he could tell that something was wrong.

Casey turned around slowly, still holding onto his car while looking at the candidate.

"Are you alright?"

"Truck 81 is on call with Severide so what do you think?"

"I think that it's not a good idea to drive."

"Mills, go inside, clean up, do whatever you have to do, but leave me alone. Again this is none of your business."

"I'm sorry Lieutenant but I can't let you drive like this. Maybe I am just the candidate in this firehouse but I am also a paramedic and I know what can happen when people drive like this. I am pretty sure you don't want to have your team to cut you out of your truck which is wrapped around a..."

"I need my car tomorrow."

"No problem. I will get it to your house after night shift." Mills said stretching his hand out for the keys.

"Thanks." Casey said getting a shy smile from Mills.

"One more thing. This is the first and defiantly the last time you are ever telling me what to do."

"Of course Lieutenant."

Casey was relieved as the cab pulled into his driveway. He paid the driver and made his way to the dark house. He hated to be here alone. Casey opened his fridge and looked into the nearly completely empty space. Except a six pack beer there was nothing left.

He knew that there where some cornflakes but without milk they wouldn't be a joy. Casey sat down on his couch with the bowl of dry content and listened to the sounds in his house. The only thing he could hear was the crunching sound of the cornflakes in his mouth and the cold voice of his mother convincing that she had done it. That she had shot him.

Casey felt his stomach tighten again and smashed the bowl onto his table forcefully breaking it into pieces.

_"Oh come on! I know right from the beginning that you were too weak and stupid for this. Damn your mother for convincing me that you can help me with construction." _

_"But Dad I can do it. Please Dad let me try. I am not to weak!"_ Casey could hear his childhood voice in his ears and he could imagine everything perfectly clear. How he had trembled under the way to heavy piece of wood. How he had been to stubborn to convince. How he hadn't dropped it until tears where streaming down his face. How his father had yelled at him to go and play with Christie's toys. How he had told him he was a failure and didn't deserve to be called a Casey

"I am not weak! I am not!" Casey heard himself yell but it was the pain that brought him back to reality to his dark and lonely house, to the shattered bowl, to the piece of the bowl in his hand that was cutting his way into his bare skin, to the blood that was seeking out of the fresh wound on his damaged arm. Casey screamed loudly. He screamed of pain. The pain he had suffered all those years ago, the pain he was suffering now.

The emotional pain, the physical pain.

Casey looked down at the fresh cut on his arm. He didn't move. He just watched how the blood made it's way down his arm, leaving a stream of red before finally dropping to the ground. Casey could still memorize the puddle of blood on the floor where his father had been bleeding to death. How was he supposed to be to be talking on that parole hearing?

"Hey Dawson, can I talk to you for a second?" Severide asked still dressed in his gear. Thankfully it had been a nearly quite night.

"Sure what's going on?"

"The parole hearing for Casey's mother, it's today."

"He is taking it pretty hard this time." Dawson said putting the little pieces of the puzzle together in her mind.

"I am heading to the court. Casey needs us Dawson. Maybe more than ever."

"Oh...Oh, no...I mean I..." Dawson exhaled deeply before continuing.

"I don't think he wants to see me there. You know it's a little complicated at the moment."

"I know but he needs you Dawson. He needs you as his friend. You have been there for him all the way after Dardens dead, so please?"

"What time?"

"10.30."

"I will be there."

Severide nodded with a smile still not knowing how much Casey would need Dawson today.

Casey had trouble to wake up in the morning, In the evening he hadn't been able to get upstairs to his bed and even after all the sleep he had got during the night he still felt miserable. He could feel his heart racing in his chest even if he was just lying on his couch. He had trouble catching his breath. He was cold but sweating at the same time. Deep down inside Casey knew for sure what was going on but he fought back the thoughts and slowly got up from his couch, just to crash into his table his vision playing tricks on him.

"Pull yourself together!"He said loudly.

Casey had no idea how he had manged the way to the court. He avoided to use the elevator but got into great trouble while using the stairs so he had to pause for a few seconds before he could continue.

"Severide!" Dawson said pointing towards the end of the hallway where Casey had just appeared. "Damn it!" Severide growled as he watched his stumbling friend.

Casey's appearance was more than miserable. He was pale as a ghost. Maybe he was even paler. Sweet was visible on his face and he seemed drunk.

"Are you drunk?" Severide pointed out directly.

"Severide? What...what are you doing here?" Casey asked looking from Severide to Dawson.

"We are here to have your back. God damn it, I can't believe you are showing drunk!" Severide said but got interrupted by Christie, who got over to them as well.

"Matt?" She asked with a frown slowly taking in the miserable image of his brother or what was left of her brother. She had been worried as she had accidentally meet him at their dad's grave. He was even skinner than she had imagined him. His eyes had no sparkles in it anymore, he was pale, his eyes had dark shadows and even without talking to him she had recognized the invisible weight on his shoulders. Now she wasn't just worried...

"Christie...hey...I..." Casey stumbled forward getting Severide to hold onto his arm.

"He is not drunk!" Dawson pointed stepping forward as well. She had watched Casey's miserable form silently.

"What do you mean? Casey what's going on?" Severide asked while Casey's body went completely limp right in front of him.

"Matt!" Christie screamed while Severide did his best to lower Matt to the ground as soft as possible.

"Dawson! What the hell is going on here?" Severide asked.

"Casey! Casey can you hear me?" Dawson asked slapping Casey's cheeks before rubbing his sternum.

"Damn it. His heart is racing!", Dawson pointed out after not getting any response.

"There...there is blood on your hand." A shocked Christie said pointing at Severide, who followed her eyes down to his hand with a puzzled look.

"That's not mine!" He said while Dawson, who had received a first aid kid from one of the officers touched Casey's arm, her own hand coming back with blood.7

"Severide all 911. Tell them they need to hurry. We have a patient with anemia going into shock." Dawson said while cutting through the thick fabric of Casey's jacket not prepared for what she fond. Dawson just looked onto the three deep and large cut's onto Casey's arm and inhaled deeply. There was not time to get emotional now, she needed to stop the bleeding. Severide turned around after ending the call stopping in his motion as he looked down at Casey's arm. "No." He whispered while looking at Christie who was starring back at him in shock. Matthew Casey had been falling apart right in front of them...

….to be continued!

I wish you all a great Easter time and hope to hear from you!


	16. Lies

Hey guys!

Sorry for the delay. Some of you may have read my little oneshot "No one to blame". Guess what? After finishing and posting I crushed down the stairs in my house. Hurt my back pretty bad and had to undergo x-rays because they thought that I broke something. Thankfully I didn't but I couldn't sit...so I couldn't write...

But here we go with a new chapter.  
I really hope you will like it and leave a review.

Thanks for making this story so special!

Chapter 16 - Lies

"Where did he get these cuts...was he...was he hurt during the job?", Christie asked still kneeling down beside her brother, stroking his wet hair automatically. He had always calmed down when she had done this. All those years ago...

"We will talk about that later." Severide said helping Dawson to put a pressure bandage onto Casey's wildly bleeding arm.

"Check on his pulse." Dawson got Severide to move to Casey's head. Severide looked down onto the completely pale and still form of his best friend. He had lost Darden, he couldn't loose Casey especially not like that. He had been falling apart right in front of his eyes. He had known it he just hadn't done enough.

"Severide." Dawson reminded him while Severide checked for a pulse.

"Still racing. His breathing is getting irregular."  
"Damn they really need to hurry."

"Matthew!" The voice of a woman got them to look up. Nancy Casey, was cuffed and leaded by two police officers.

"That's my son! What is going on? Is he okay? Christie what is going on?" She asked frantically looking at her daughter with pleading eyes.

"Misses Casey please let us go inside."

"No! He is my son!" Nancy screamed but was forced to go into the court room by the two officers. "Christie!" She screamed before the doors closed behind her.

Dawson exhaled deeply as the medics made their way towards them.

"Gabriela Dawson, Ambulance 61. It's Lieutenant Casey from Truck 81. He's in shock due to a great amount of blood he had lost. I bandaged the cuts but he needs blood transfusions quickly."

"Okay. We will get him to Lakeshore. Do you want to ride with us?"

"Yes." Dawson said hurrying towards the ambulance with Christie and Severide following close behind.

"I am sorry Christie. Do you want to..."

"No. I will follow." Christie said after getting a nod from Kelly. Dawson hopped into the ambulance preparing everything to set up an IV to get some fluid into Casey's weak body. She knew that she wasn't in charge but she knew that she couldn't stand back right now. Casey's life was at risk. She needed to save him. Again.

Dawson prayed that it wouldn't be Hallie waiting for them as the busted through the doors of Lakeshore, glad as she spotted Dr. Roberts already waiting for them.

"What do we got?" He asked getting Dawson to explain quickly.  
"Do you know his blood type?"

"A positive. I'm a match and an approved detonator and I want you to take my blood." Dawson said. "Gabriela you know that it's not allowed to..."

"Jeff please. I know that it would be Casey's will. You know that I am approved. Feel free take a look at my medical file." Dawson said her hand still resting in Casey's.

"Blood pressure is going down." A nurse said watching Casey vitals on a screen.

"Okay we don't have time for that right now. Kendra get a blood transfusion from Miss Dawson here and hurry!"

"Thanks Jeff!"

"Any news?" Severide asked as soon as he spotted Dawson walking towards them.

"I donated some blood." She said finally allowing the tears she had fought back to water her eyes. "Hey." Severide said in a calm voice getting Dawson into a comforting hug.

"We should have seen it coming. How could we let it come that far?" She asked into Severide's chest.

"Can somebody explain this to me?" Christie asked still wondering what was going on with her little brother.  
"Christie Matt had a really hard time lately." Dawson said turning around to face Christie.

"He was with me when we got stuck in an elevator. The power went off and it was completely dark inside. He got a panic attack and was brought here a few weeks ago. He told me that it was because of what happened between your mother and your father.", Dawson explained while Christie rubbed her hands through her hair.

"After all this years..." she whispered.

"I think all in all it was just to much Matt couldn't take. He lost his best friend a while ago and with the memories back in his head it was just to much for him to take..."

"Yeah but I don't understand how this leads to...this." Christie said gesturing towards the shock room Matt had been brought too.

"He got cut during a call. That was the first cut on his arm. He refused treatment, told us it was just a scratch. We don't know where he got the other two cuts from. All I can say is that they where really deep and really long. That's the reason why he lost so much blood. He refused to eat, to drink. Christie there is a high possibility that he cut himself on purpose." Dawson pointed out, her own voice shaking.

"No! He wouldn't do that!" Christie said tears already rolling down her eyes.

"I'm sorry."  
"No don't be. Where have I been all this years? I have accidentally bumped into Matt a few weeks ago. I recognized that he wasn't looking to good but I just brushed it away like it wasn't my business. I really thought he was okay but I think I couldn't have been more wrong. All those years ago this whole thing that happened to our family ripped us apart slowly. You know Matt got into some real trouble but I thought as he became a firefighter that he got his life under control." Christie said sitting down slowly.

"I blamed him for everything that had happened even though it wasn't his fault."

Severide bite down his button lip. His sister had blamed him for the death of his own father, he had blamed him for the death of there best friend. Damn it, that was way to much Matt Casey had to suffer.

"Kelly!" The low voice of Chief Boden interrupted their talk.

"I came here as fast as I could. Any word on his condition?"

"No Chief. Nothing yet."

"What happened?" Hermann and Mouch where the next two entering the ER before introducing themselves to Christie.

"I came here as fast as I could." Mills said walking straight towards his secret girlfriend.

"Any news on the Lieutenant?"

"No nothing yet."

"I didn't know you where with him today." Peter whispered.

"Look Pete there was a really important...thing...today." Gabby just said before facing the opening door again.

"I assume you are all here because of Lieutenant Casey?" Dr. Roberts asked as he entered the crowded waiting area.

"Doc how is he?" Chief Boden stepped in.  
"He went into shock after loosing a lot of blood." Dr. Roberts started getting Hermann to exhale deeply.

"I told you he was bleeding badly." He cursed.  
"We stitched the cuts on his arm and hooked him to a blood transfusion. Lieutenant Casey was brought to ICU for further monitoring. He is attached to oxygen and we gave him some sedative so his body can rest."

"Can we go see him?" Christie asked.

"Due to the fact he really needs rest I would only allow two people to see him for a short amount of time."

"Thanks Doctor." Chief Boden said and turned around to face Severide.

"I think it would be best if Christie and Kelly go and visit Casey." He said making eye contact with Gabriela who nodded slowly. She knew that it was best for her and Peter but deep down inside she was protesting. She wanted to see that he was going to be okay.

"Gabby you should go home and get some rest. We really got the maximum amount of blood out of your system." Dr. Roberts said while Gabby could feel many pairs of eyes on her face but she could feel Pete's eyes burning into the back of her head.

"I donated blood for Casey. We have the same blood type." She explained shortly.

"Come on I am going to take you home." Pete said stepping forward.

"No. I want to stay."

"Gabby we will keep you informed if there are any changes. You did all you can." Chief Boden assured before nodding towards Peter.

"Hey Matty." Christie said through tears as she walked into the room with Kelly. Kelly had buried his hands deep down in his pants, a miserable look all over his face. For the second time in weeks he was standing next to his fallen friend.

As Casey awoke the next day he looked around confused. The last thing he could remember clearly was the broken cereal bowl and the way he had used it to make all his inner pain go away.  
"Casey!" It was Severide's voice getting Matt to look at him with a puzzled look. Everything he could remember was such a blur.

"What the hell is going on? Where am I?" Casey asked.

"You are in ICU."

"I am what?" Casey tried to get everything together.

"God damn it Casey what were you thinking?" Casey could hear the desperate tone in Severide's voice but was more than surprised to see his best friends eyes water.

"You nearly died." Severide said getting away from the bed quickly facing the window.

"I can't remember what happened. Did you find me? I...I don't know what's going on."

"You came to the court room, it all seemed like you where drunk but you weren't. You were bleeding out slowly. You collapsed right in front of the court room. Without Dawson you would have died right at the spot as you drifted into shock. Hell Casey I can't believe all of this." Severide said not turning around for a second.

"Look the cut got worse during the elevator call. Yeah I banged my arm up but I wasn't thinking it was that serious."

"Yeah and the other cuts?" Severide asked his voice dangerously low before turning around slowly. "I cut myself during construction work. It was a damn accident."

"Really?" Severide asked not believing a single word.

"Of course. What were you thinking? Do you think I did this on purpose?" Casey tried his best to brush it off.

"Yeah that's EXACTLY what I am thinking." Severide screamed and Casey could see the pain in his eyes as he turned around.

"Oh come on!"

"Casey stop acting like everything is okay. You are in ICU for the second time in what 6 weeks? You really need help man!"

"Skip the lecture, I don't know what you are talking about! I cut myself during construction work. Yes I was maybe a little to lazy handling it, I knew that I needed stitches but I really couldn't afford staying at home for a few weeks because of his minor injury."

"Minor injury? You where bleeding to death!" Severide pointed out again.

"Dawson donated the maximum level of her blood so you could stay alive. This is not nothing Casey!" Severide finished.

"Wait what? Dawson?"

"Yeah Dawson. Gabriela Dawson who saved your live twice. You owe her something so maybe you will not tell her this lame story and be true to her."

Severide said heading towards the door without looking at Casey again.

….to be continued!

Hope you all liked it an leave a review...PLEASE?


	17. How to come clean

Hey guys!

I know it's been awhile but I really have one of the best reasons in the world for the delay:

I am a mommy now :o)

So here is the new chapter! I really hope you will enjoy it. Please leave a review...I really missed reading them a lot!

Have fun with the new chapter!

**Chapter 17 – How to come clean**

Casey closed his eyes and tried his best to avoid the burning tears from streaming down his face. Severide was right. He was absolutely right but he couldn't admit it. He didn't know what was going on himself so how should he possibly explain everything to Kelly, to anyone?

He had lost control in a way he had never expected to ever loose control. He couldn't believe that he had pushed himself that far. He couldn't believe that all of that had happened.

"Matty." The soft voice of Christie got him to open his eyes again. He hadn't heard anyone entering the room.

"Christie?" Matt asked full of confusion. He had never expected her to show up.

"How are you feeling?" She asked and Casey could see the look of worry all over her face.

"Better."

Christie just nodded taking a seat beside Matt's bed without saying a word for a few minutes.

"I am worried about you."

"Look Christie, I really don't know how all this could happen. I cut myself during..."

"Matt you don't need to explain anything. Just tell me what is going when you are ready for it but please don't lie to me. Not after everything we have been through, not after all this years." Matt hold her gaze for a few seconds, remaining silent before closing his eyes. He felt too weak, to exhausted to think about everything, to talk about everything.

As he woke up again in the middle of the night Christie was still sitting beside his bed, holding his hand and watching him closely.  
"You are still here."

"Yes and I am not going anywhere until you are feeling better."

"What about Violet, she needs you."

"Jim is with her we have arranged everything. There is nothing you need to worry about."

"Thank you."

"No Matt. I should have been there a long time ago." Christie just said brushing Matt's cheek.

"Go back to sleep. I will stay here."

"Matthew Casey, I really thought we have agreed to not meet each other again so soon in here." Robert, the psychologist, pointed out as he walked into the hospital room the next day. Christie watching him with a suspicious look.  
"Robert." Casey replied dryly.

"Hello. My name is Robert, I am the psychologist."

"Oh. Hey. I'm Christie, Matt's sister."

"Nice to meet you Christie. Would you mind leaving us alone for a while?"

"No. It's okay. I was just on my way to grab some breakfast." Christie agreed squeezing Matt's hand before leaving the room.  
"So here we are again." Robert said taking Christie's seat next to Casey's bed.

"Look I don't know who called you or what's going on here. I cut myself during a call and later on I was really stupid during construction work. I don't think that this is something I need a shrink for."  
"Maybe not but our highly graduated specialists told me that these cuts look like they where made on purpose and the fact that you are lying in ICU because you were nearly bleeding to death is telling me the rest I need to know to show up here Matt."

"Yeah whatever."

"What happened since the last time you where in here?"

"I don't know what you want to hear."

"Same as last time. I want to hear whatever you are telling me. I don't have a plan."

"Look Robert I can only tell you that I am completely fine and that I really don't need your help." "That's okay for me but I don't think it's really that easy because I am worried about you."

"You don't need to be worried."

"But I am and you know why? Because I am asking myself what is coming up next. Will you run into a burning building and throw yourself into the flames? Will you continue cutting yourself until you get what you want, until you are bleeding to death? How will you continue to deal with yourself Matt?"

"Oh come on!" Matt snapped.

"I really think you are to talented to throw you life away like that."

"I am not throwing my life away."

"You nearly died."

"No I didn't!"

"I can call your doctor in here. It was pretty close and without the quick help of the paramedics you would have died right on the spot. Isn't this scary?" Robert pointed out never leaving his gaze off of Casey's face.

Matt inhaled deeply. The image of Darden burning in the flames hunting his mind without a warning while now it was himself that he watched in flames.

"It's okay to cry and it's okay to let it all out. It's scary." Robert said while he watched the tears building in Casey's eyes.

"I really didn't want this." Matt said with a low voice.

"I know but I think you lost control without recognizing it." Robert pointed out getting Matt to nod slowly.  
"And that is what I meant while we where talking last time. There is too much weight on your shoulders. The whole thing with your parents, your mother, your family. Haley, the only person you have ever trusted completely with everything you are, with everything your life gave you, leaving you. Gabby. Your best friend burning to dead right in front of your eyes and everyone is blaming you for it. You are blaming yourself for it." Robert pointed out while Matt couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face now.

I know it hurts but it's eating you up inside. You need to come clean with everything otherwise you will break down again like you did before."

"I can't talk about it." Matt said softly his voice nearly a whisper.

"Yes you can talk about it but it will hurt and it will not go away for a pretty long time but you will see that you will be able to live your life again when you come clean with everything.  
"I was okay for such a long time."

"No you never where. You just buried everything and with Haley constantly by your side it was okay because she knew everything. She knew what was going on with you, how she could help you, how she could support you on painful and difficult days but you lost her. That was the first crack in your wall and then you got stuck in this elevator and all the flashbacks about what had happened 15 years ago got back to you. Your walls are collapsed Matt and you can't just build them back up. There is to much weight on your shoulders now."  
Robert remained silent for a while before speaking up again.

"I can offer you to stop by once a week to just talk like we are doing now."

"I thought you can only give me some addresses."

"Yeah that's right but what can I say? I just...I like you and I think we will get along great together. You know I got a really boring private life I really have some time left." Robert said with a smirk before getting up.

"What about Í stop by tomorrow? You good with that?" Casey just nodded watching Robert leave. He was a great guy.

Matt closed his eyes again trying to get his emotions back under control. He knew that Robert was right with the things he had just said. His wall had collapsed completely and as much as he hated the fact of being vulnerable and hurt, he couldn't pretend that he was okay any longer. Not after what had happened. He needed to talk to Severide and to Gabby. She had saved his life again.

"Hey. Your alright?" Christie asked with a soft voice as she reentered the room a little while later.  
"No." Casey replied truthfully relaxing under Christies soft hand on his face.  
"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not yet. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"I really need my phone."

"Did you bring it with you?" Christie asked getting up from her spot and walking over to the things Matt was wearing for the parole hearing.

"I can't even imagine I was at the court room so I really don't know."

"Right sorry." Christie said getting Matt's trousers.

"Nothing in here."

"Damn it. Can you give Kelly a call to look for it at home?"

"Of course. I wanted to grab some things for you too but Kelly also offered to stop by."

"Severide." Kelly answered the phone more than frustrated. He was tired, he was exhausted, he was frustrated and he was damn worried. He hadn't sleep a bit during the last night because he couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about the things he had done to get Casey to this point. Thinking about the things he should have done to help his best friend. At four a clock in the morning he had crossed the point where he was blaming himself for everything that went wrong. He had failed completely.

"Hey Kelly this is Christie, Matt's sister."

"Christie! How is he doing?"

"Not to good. He had a talk with a psychologist and I think it was pretty rough. Kelly he is asking for his phone and needs a few things. Matt told me you got the spare key to his house. Can I bother you to stop by?"

"You are not bothering me, it's no problem."

As Kelly entered Matt's house he made his way directly to the living room to search for Casey's phone. Kelly froze in his movement as blood was meeting him nearly everywhere.

"Oh my god." He whispered looking down at the broken cereal bowl and the big puddle of blood. "Come on Casey. Damn it!" He cursed before he continued his search for the phone finding it on the floor next to the couch, also covered in blood. Severide got a tissue out of his pocket to clean it up while finding his name was showing up on the display. It seemed like Casey had tried to call him.

Severide made his way upstairs where he quickly grabbed some things not feeling well to dig into Casey's personal space like that. He had decided to just hand the bag to Christie. After their argument in the evening and all of his thoughts during the night he really didn't feel up to facing Casey right now.

….to be continued!

So tell me what you think. I am so looking forward to your reviews!


	18. Friends

Guys you are amazing. To all of you a great thank you for your wishes :o)

Cbloom2: I found the time :o) Thank you so much for you review. :o)

Pallada: My dear I don't know what to say despite the fact that I always love your reviews! Thank you for your ideas. I will leave Robert out of it a bit more okay? I can only assure you (as it's some kind of my job) in RL you have to be that pushing if the subject is up to it. In this case it actually is. Oh and who knows about the relapse...I do...and you already know me...;o) ;o) ;o) ;o) Hope you like the new chapter and I really hope to hear from you again. Greetings!

S.A.N.e.-but-inS.A.N.e: I posted again. :o) Hope you will enjoy the new chapter. Thank you so much!

Olimpia: You nearly kicked me out of my shoes with your review. WOW and thank you so so much! I LOVE your review! Your kind words made me even type faster :o)

I am really glad you liked the chapter. I am planing on getting more chapters that run deeper into the feelings of the characters, starting with the next one. Hope you will enjoy it and I can't wait to "read from you" so THANK YOU!

Dawn: Thank you so much for your review! How will Severide react? You can find out in this chapter :o) Hope you like it and as I wrote before Severide will play a big part in the next chapters as well.

Katha: Ha, endlich kann ich mal in deutsch antworten! Sehr schön :o) Vielen vielen Dank für deinen Review! Ob Severide sich weiter drückt?! :o) Viel Spaß beim lesen!

**Chapter 18 - Friends**

Severide felt the pressure on his shoulders grow as he sat in his car on his way to Lakeshore. He had even turned off his music. One thing he actually never did.

He had to think.

He had to find a way to deal with everything he had just seen. A way to deal with the condition his best friend was in. He needed to figure out if he was ready to face him right now.  
Severide smacked a hand against the steering wheel in anger. How could he had yelled at him right after he came through. How could he just leave him there? How could he not have seen it all coming? He had never been the greatest friend but failing this badly really got to him.

Severide searched for a good parking lot before grabbing Casey's things. He never even knew how long Casey had to stay in ICU or in the hospital in general.

"Hey I am Lieutenant Severide, I just want to..." Severide exhaled deeply as the nurse greeted him at the entrance to ICU.

"I want to see Lieutenant Matt Casey." Severide said while the nurse gestured him to come in.

Severide hold his breath for a second as he watched his best friend and fellow Lieutenant in the hospital bed. He looked so small, so weak, so exhausted.

Severide felt happy about the fact that Christie was still by Casey's side. He knew that his sister always meant a lot to Casey. Seeing her there, supporting him in a so badly needed way was giving Severide a second to relax. Christie was there for her brother now.

Severide nodded as Casey spotted him behind the window. Now there was no turning back. He could not let him lay in there alone.  
"Hey." Severide said before dropping Casey's sports bag on the table.  
"Hey."  
"Look Man I am sorry for screaming at you like that." Severide said hands burrowed deep down in the pockets of his jeans.  
"No you don't need to apologize. I know you saw the mess at home. I can't remember much but I think it's bad. You where right and I am sorry for my actions." Casey said watching the surprised look on Severide's face.  
"You know I am not good at these things..." Severide started just to get interrupted by Casey. "Don't okay? I am going to be fine." Casey said while Severide could see that Christie was taking his hand into hers.

"We talked a lot. I will not leave his side for a second anymore." Christie answered while Severide nodded slowly.

"Do you know how long you have to stay in here?"

"Yeah a couple more days. Wound got infected as well."

"Damn it Casey!"

"I know you said that before." Casey shot back a weak smile on his face.

"You know that I am...well...here for you as well, right?"

"Right."

"Should I stop by tomorrow?"

"Yeah that would be great."

"Alright. So see you then."

"Severide?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for getting my stuff."

"I cleaned up as well. You owe me a sixpack."

"I do." Casey nodded watching Severide leave with a small smile on his face.

He knew that Severide had his own problems dealing with everything that was going on right now.  
"He is a great guy." Christie said after turning back to her brother.

"Yeah most of the time he is."

"Hey Christie can you give me my cell phone? I really need to call Dawson and thank her for everything."

"Dawson? The girl from the parole hearing?"

"I can't believe she really came."

"You know I am not into your personal live as much as a sister should be so is she your new girlfriend?"

"No she is just a college."

"Did you ever see anyone after Hallie?"

"No. It's difficult you know. We really spent a long time together."

"And there is nobody like her out there. I know what you are talking about. Do you remember the big big split up with Scott as I was 18."

"Oh don't remind me of that!" Casey said a smile on his face. How long he had never thought back of the old times. How long he had never talked about it.

In the evening Christie agreed to go home and get some rest while Casey grabbed his cell phone to give Dawson a call.

He was just about to push the call button as his door opened again.

"I just heard you are in here." Hallie said while Casey watched her in silence for a few seconds. "Yeah well. Needed some fresh blood in my veins."

"Matt this is serious."

"I know it is. Please skip the lecture I have been though enough of them the last two days okay?"

"I am in no position to give you a lecture."

"Yeah right."

"How are you feeling?"

"Are you in charge now?"

"Unfortunately yes. I really hoped to never be in this position again. You know I am not a fan of treating you and seeing you in here."

"Yeah me neither."

"So how are you feeling?"

"I am tired and beyond exhausted. My chest is still sore, my arm is burning and I feel like I am catching a cold."

"It's the infection. I am sure the medication is going to kick in fast. Let me get your temperature checked."

"Isn't this a nurses job."

"Actually it is. You are lucky." Hallie said with a smile while taking Casey's temperature.

"You have a fever. I think we need to give you some more medication. I am kinda worried that he infection is increasing. Heart rate is looking good. Do you get enough oxygen or do you feel short of breath?"

"I fell short of breath."

"Yeah your vitals are telling this too. Will you agree to wear a mask during the night?"

"If it's necessary." Casey just nodded before staying silent for a second.

"I am worried about you Matt." Hallie said while looking up from her chart.

"There is no reason for that."

"Yes it is and we both know it. What is going on with you? I really can't believe that you...you know...cut yourself and where nearly bleeding to death. That's not you Matt."

"I don't want to talk about it okay?"

"It's okay when you don't want to talk to me because of everything that had happened between us but I really hope you will find someone you can actually talk to."

"I did."

"Okay than it's okay with me."

"Casey!" Dawson answered her phone after the second beep.

"Hey Gabby."

"How are you feeling? I was there to visit you today but they told me that there is already someone staying with you the whole time and that you needed rest."

"Yeah my sister Christie is staying with me."

"How are you feeling?"

"I heard that it could be worse."

"Absolutely."

"Gabby I wanted to thank you. Like really thank you. You saved my life twice and I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you for..."

"You don't need to thank me."

"And I am sorry."

"For what?"

"For losing control like that. I don't think I need to explain what's going on. I don't even think that I can explain what's going on because I really don't get it myself."

"You have been through a lot and I think it's hard dealing with it."

"Yeah it is."

"Did Robert show up already?"

"He did. He is a great guy. I think I am going to see him a few times."

"That's great news Matt."

"Maybe. We will see."  
"Is there anything I can do? Do you feel up for a visit or do you want to call when you are ready?" "No I...I would love if you would stop by when you got time."

"I will."

"Thanks Gabby."

"Get some rest. I will see you tomorrow."

Casey let his head sink back on the pillow grateful for the way she had just talked to him. There was no sign of frustration or anger in her voice. She wasn't blaming him for the things he had done just like Severide wasn't blaming him any longer.  
Casey attached the oxygen mask back on his face and sucked in some fresh oxygen while he could feel the tears burning in his eyes again. He had great friends around and he knew that he could be thankful for that.

Sleep came faster than he had expected and the next thing Casey could remember was a cold hand on his forehead and a loud voice talking to him. He opened his eyes slowly noticing Hallie in the blur his vision was actually offering him.

"Matt can you hear me?" Hallie asked while Casey did his best to focus on her.

He could feel his whole body shaking. He was so cold but still he was sweating badly.

"Matt answer me. Come on! Stay with me!" Hallie begged while all Casey could concentrate on was the darkness that was slowly taking him back.

"Matt, no. Come on!" Hallie said while she got the syringe into Casey's IV.

The antibiotics had failed there job completely and Hallie could only assume that her college had underestimated the state Matt's infection had already been in.

"Severide." Kelly answered his phone sleepily.

"Kelly this is Hallie."

"Hallie? Is Casey alright?"

"That's the reason I am calling. Can you please come here?"

"I am right on my way."


End file.
